I made good on my promise to myself more than two months later. To run in the morning around the neighbourhood.
And so today I woke up bright and early at 9am, got breakfast, sat around and then went out to run. Turns out, I am most definitely not fit. I started out running ok, and then in a minute or two I'm panting really hard and by the third minute, I am huffing and puffing and starting to walk.
Pathetic aren't I.
So I walked all around the block I planned to jog, and got home with a pounding head and sick stomach. Boooo. No fair. Maybe I started out too strong. I will try again on Sunday.
Tomorrow is the invigilating exam. Whew. It's gonna be tough. I'll be required to speak to the examinees. That, and I don't have anything to wear yet. Got to do some serious shopping for shoes and a top later before the lesson. See, me and my sister (who's the assistant invigilator) have to sit for a lesson as to what we have to do tomorrow. It's today from 7pm-10pm. So shopping has to be done before then. Hope my sister gets back from school early. Tomorrow the exam is from 8am-1pm. After which I will have to rush across Singapore to make it to my student for his tuition lesson by 2pm.
Seriously. I need the money.
I didn't really bother to go onto msn yesterday and I haven't stalked Ryan on Facebook in two days which is good. Still think about him alot, and I get loads of flashbacks. But then it's gotten easier ever since I changed my phone background to somthing else other than Ryan. He really makes me wonder if everything is ever true. What he said. You know all that lovey dovey stuff. I don't want to come out of this relationship bitter. I want to come out stronger. Stronger, but not bitter. But now I really doubt if what he said during those times were true. Shall not repeat it here lest people start to puke up their last meal.
Blah! I'm going to just go and play my computer game. =D it's lotsa fun! Not very well known but it's called Pet Shop Hop where you run a pet shop (as the name suggests) and I love it. Got stuck at a level yesterday and after losing like three times I decided it was time to go to bed. (it was 1am)
I'm so sorry for these pictureless and random posts. But then again, I've got so much on my mind. If I put it somewhere (like in here) I might just feel a little bit better.
Which reminds me. I went to the minister of parliament yesterday again. She was so nice and immediately after hearing about my failed attempts to get into uni, she emailed one of the persons in charge of the uni to personally review my applications and appeal. ^_^ So sweet. Hopefully this will be done and dusted then I can concentrate on my future. Part of the whole uni thing which gets me so much is that for now I simply cannot do anything. And so long as my parents keep pushing to go into uni, my future remains uncertain. (sad face)
Maybe I'll get doughnut holes to cheer myself up later. Seriously, what's a girl got to do to get some doughnut holes around here? A few days ago I was out and I literally went into every bakery I passed and there were no doughnut holes! :( I settled for a real doughnut eventually but it was nowhere near as satisfying as putting a whole doughnut hole into your mouth and letting the sugar melt. For those who don't know what doughnut holes are, they're the holes from the doughnut. Simple as that. I mean when they make the holes in the doughnuts the excess has to go somewhere right? Some combine the excess to make another doughnut. Some make doughnut holes. I like calling them doughnut holes cos it's funny. Scientifically, holes don't exist. Like if you see a hole, you can only see it because it is surrounded by matter. Much like pouring paint on an invisible person cos you can see them. Right? (if you don't get it then it's fine)
Shall not drivel anymore. Cos it's starting to get pretty rubbish. Byeeee.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
What is it?
What is love? It's the feeling pheromones in your brains release whenever you see someone you find attractive. And when they like you back, your whole world is plunged into technicolour. That is, the legendary rose-tinted glasses. Everything is a wonderful shade and even a pile of poo can be beautiful. (Oooh see how the light catches the moisture? See how it slowly steams during the winter?)
You feel like you're walking on air every single day and everytime you see your 'soulmate', your heart skips and you just want to go over and give them a great big hug. Cuddles, snuggles, and hugs are aplenty, and you feel more protected than you've every been in your life. Kisses feel just like that moment when you put ur lips to the marshmallow slowly roasted over a fire and then cooled off to just the right temperature. Everything is absolutely, and undeniably perfect.
Scientifically, your brain will stop producing the loved up feeling pheromones after 18 months in a relationship. The satisfying feeling should stop. But somehow, it's not the case with me. I work really hard at my relationships. I still feel loved up, protected, and happy even 20 months into my relationship. Even though I know from previous experiences that hardwork doesn't always equal to great success, I still work hard at my relationships hoping that somehow the other half will realise, and appreciate it.
Well, sometimes they do. Sometimes, they don't. Then when the brutal "I don't love you anymore" comes, your rose tinted glasses are snatched away. And your world is plunged into mud water. Everything you see seem to be covered in a shade of grey. Much like whenever you put your black tinted swimming goggles on. You steps are slow and heavy, everything bothers you and you just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. It's just so...so...empty! You go to sleep hoping that somehow, tomorrow will be a better day, that maybe, possibly, perhaps, that person will tell you "Awwk I'm sorry honey, I made a mistake, I really do love you afterall." And then go to sleep again the next day thinking "Nobody loves me, nobody cares." Sleeping is an escape, and waking up a harsh jerk into reality.
Even though now I know that a relationship with Ryan is out of the question, at least until all is said and done, I would still take him back in an instant. It's so hard to move on even though I know I have to.
Today is another day. Going to see the MP to appeal into a university. I'm thoroughly sick of the whole thing. It's like drawing blood from a stone. Isn't it true that if I take a year out to do more A level subjects I would have a higher chance this year? Or am I just talking bullshit.
On a brighter note, I can complete the rubix cube without looking at my notes anymore. It's pretty good. My best timing so far is around 3 minutes. And I will be aiming for the megaminx when I can complete the cube in under a minute. I like my rubix cube. It helps distract me from thinking about 'him' and crying over 'him'.
'Cos any guy who makes you cry ain't worth crying over. Right?
You feel like you're walking on air every single day and everytime you see your 'soulmate', your heart skips and you just want to go over and give them a great big hug. Cuddles, snuggles, and hugs are aplenty, and you feel more protected than you've every been in your life. Kisses feel just like that moment when you put ur lips to the marshmallow slowly roasted over a fire and then cooled off to just the right temperature. Everything is absolutely, and undeniably perfect.
Scientifically, your brain will stop producing the loved up feeling pheromones after 18 months in a relationship. The satisfying feeling should stop. But somehow, it's not the case with me. I work really hard at my relationships. I still feel loved up, protected, and happy even 20 months into my relationship. Even though I know from previous experiences that hardwork doesn't always equal to great success, I still work hard at my relationships hoping that somehow the other half will realise, and appreciate it.
Well, sometimes they do. Sometimes, they don't. Then when the brutal "I don't love you anymore" comes, your rose tinted glasses are snatched away. And your world is plunged into mud water. Everything you see seem to be covered in a shade of grey. Much like whenever you put your black tinted swimming goggles on. You steps are slow and heavy, everything bothers you and you just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. It's just so...so...empty! You go to sleep hoping that somehow, tomorrow will be a better day, that maybe, possibly, perhaps, that person will tell you "Awwk I'm sorry honey, I made a mistake, I really do love you afterall." And then go to sleep again the next day thinking "Nobody loves me, nobody cares." Sleeping is an escape, and waking up a harsh jerk into reality.
Even though now I know that a relationship with Ryan is out of the question, at least until all is said and done, I would still take him back in an instant. It's so hard to move on even though I know I have to.
Today is another day. Going to see the MP to appeal into a university. I'm thoroughly sick of the whole thing. It's like drawing blood from a stone. Isn't it true that if I take a year out to do more A level subjects I would have a higher chance this year? Or am I just talking bullshit.
On a brighter note, I can complete the rubix cube without looking at my notes anymore. It's pretty good. My best timing so far is around 3 minutes. And I will be aiming for the megaminx when I can complete the cube in under a minute. I like my rubix cube. It helps distract me from thinking about 'him' and crying over 'him'.
'Cos any guy who makes you cry ain't worth crying over. Right?
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Dreams
Warning: This post is really personal and not going to be funny in any way.
See, on Monday, after talking to one of Ryan's close friends, I decided that for my own good, I'm going to ignore Ryan for a week and not talk to him unless he talks to me. Last night was the 1st day. I saw him online but he did not talk to me. Repressing the overwhelming urge to call him before I go to bed, I just tired myself out and went to bed.
So, I dreamt about Ryan last night. At first I dreamt that he came over to Singapore on his own and was living somewhere in Jurong or something, which was far away. Then we were together and had our arms around one another and acting all couple-like. I was so happy. Then I had to wake up to go to the toilet. (damn nature) And thought while drifting back to sleep "Haven't we broken up?"
And so, a new dream began. This time he had broken up with me. *devastated* So I was ill, I think. But he would not talk to me and seemed to not care. It was ultimately a very, very painful dream. This dream was unlike any other. The place was all the same, it was consistent and the timeline, although a little weird, seemed logical enough. I even felt his arm around me and felt much safer than I ever had in ages. I am such a soppy sod.
Well, I've put on more weight. Must be from all that stress-eating. Going to run starting tomorrow for sure, which means that I will be sleeping by 11pm from today on. Now that I know I can't talk to Ryan, being online seems a little pointless. Yea, Greg and Claire are being real angels. Greg being a granda and all. But yea, there's always email, if people will just reply to me.
From today on, to whoever's reading, I'm going to take blogging as a means to clear my mind whenever I need it. It's going to be the salve on my broken and (hopefully) healing heart.
Damn, I miss him so much it hurts.
Theraputic blog = Long and drivelly posts
So, stay if you want to. Drop me a tag, just so I know you care.
See, on Monday, after talking to one of Ryan's close friends, I decided that for my own good, I'm going to ignore Ryan for a week and not talk to him unless he talks to me. Last night was the 1st day. I saw him online but he did not talk to me. Repressing the overwhelming urge to call him before I go to bed, I just tired myself out and went to bed.
So, I dreamt about Ryan last night. At first I dreamt that he came over to Singapore on his own and was living somewhere in Jurong or something, which was far away. Then we were together and had our arms around one another and acting all couple-like. I was so happy. Then I had to wake up to go to the toilet. (damn nature) And thought while drifting back to sleep "Haven't we broken up?"
And so, a new dream began. This time he had broken up with me. *devastated* So I was ill, I think. But he would not talk to me and seemed to not care. It was ultimately a very, very painful dream. This dream was unlike any other. The place was all the same, it was consistent and the timeline, although a little weird, seemed logical enough. I even felt his arm around me and felt much safer than I ever had in ages. I am such a soppy sod.
Well, I've put on more weight. Must be from all that stress-eating. Going to run starting tomorrow for sure, which means that I will be sleeping by 11pm from today on. Now that I know I can't talk to Ryan, being online seems a little pointless. Yea, Greg and Claire are being real angels. Greg being a granda and all. But yea, there's always email, if people will just reply to me.
From today on, to whoever's reading, I'm going to take blogging as a means to clear my mind whenever I need it. It's going to be the salve on my broken and (hopefully) healing heart.
Damn, I miss him so much it hurts.
Theraputic blog = Long and drivelly posts
So, stay if you want to. Drop me a tag, just so I know you care.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Megaminx!
After I master the rubix cube and have some money, I'm going to get a megaminx and try to solve it!!
Uni Blues
There is still no word from NUS as to whether I'm accepted or not. School term has already started for nearly a month and I want to be able to get in as soon as possible. It's just so annoying.
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