Monday, July 31, 2006

need to make it short

first, singpost sent the parcel which i sent to my cuzin(jordan) back to my hse! then i blogged and went to another page by accident and lost everything i painstakingly wrote just now. that is so sad. and blogger wont let me upload my images. blogger and singpost are both asses. tell u guys everything tmr, sry. byebye

Sunday, July 30, 2006


first, i would like to apologise for the improper use of title in my post "irony...irony..." it would take a very determined literature student who reads into everything to find the irony in it. but actually, that post wasnt complete. actually i was going to say something like "i (think) i'm a good listener and i counsel people and give them advice when they are feeling down. (esp to e one sitting behind me in class when he is all, you know, basically droopy) but the ironic thing is, when I'M down and feeling depressed, who is there to comfort me? i dont want somebody who says something like "dont care abt him, he is not worthyour tears" cos i do care abt him. and i jolly well decide if he is worth my tears anot. so it's like not very easy to comfort me" sth along those lines.

but i was quite happy on sat(which is yesterday) cos i found out the reason for lance's anger and where it all stemmed from. it was from worry! i cant believe it! worry! for me! okok. i'll stop gushing. but seriously, when he told me he was worried that someone disturbed me or my parents suddenly fetched me, i was touched, seriously touched. and ok, i cried. he was so sweet, but then on friday, i was hurting him, i was like hurling abuse(difficult to imagine, i know, so u know how angry i really am) , and basically accusing him of everything he never done, like not caring about me, about juz picking up the cd he bought for me from the top of the pile(he told me he had to dig into a random pile of cds to get miss congiality for me), and lots of other hurtful stuff. so, he exploded as well, and said he wanted to break up. then yesterday he was kinda cold until i told him"meet my new fren, the penknife" then he explained evrything to me. actually, all i did was sort of carve a smiley face into my arm. juz like tattooing, but it lasts for a few days only and not that painful. so lance cares for me and that is all that matters. :) look at that photo sweet right? i always like to see like animals being affectionate to each other. it's like so pure and innocent. but when humans do that, i feel uncomfortable. cos it's like they have onli one thing in mind. "sex" what happened to the old fashioned safety of juz hugging your partner and feeling each others' heartbeats? now almost everyone is having free sex. it's like there's no meaning for it anymore. and girlies are wearing less and less clothes. soon, you will see people walking on the streets naked, with onli bracelets for accessories. and they will call it "the latest fashion" it'll be like a nudy camp, onli on a much larger scale. gotta go now. my mom's coming. bye.

Friday, July 28, 2006

thanks jj

i would like to thank my fren, jinjun, in this post for letting me take his idea of having a pet in this blog. and also jeremy for helping me put a tagbox in my blog. thank you people!

also, i will not be able to post this sat as i cant play for the whole day. i'll post on sun. byebye


today was like kueh lapis...all in layers. first, the day started reasonably compared to last night. then after that things juz started gtg better and better until it seems like things couldnt get better today. and when things cant get better, what happens, things get worse.

i found out that i haf maths remedial, and then i went down to call lance but when the phone picked up, there is no voice, only the sound of static. then blank. and worse, my 10cents coin got eaten away! then i tried again, same thing. so i called his hse and told his mom to pass a message that i haf to go to class for tuition today and will onli be able to call at 2+. i totally forgot that he wasnt talking to his mom. so after that, unsuspecting me walked up back to the classroom. guess wat i found out? miss nora had just scolded the class. and rather badly too. they were quite shaken and some were quite insulted cos apparently, there were personal attacks. some ppl who i thought were very happy people and will never cry are crying. i was like so shocked. then i felt like crying. cos i haf this curse, i call it. my tears flow very easily. juz like the time my maths teacher threw my yearbook acroos the room because i was reading it, the tears started flowing and i cant do anything abt it. when my dad scolds me and i feel nervous, i'll start crying. he calls them crocodile tears but they are real tears born from pure sadness and fear. let me show you an equation.

too happy=tears
too excited=tears

so u see, almost any feeling can end me up in tears. so back to the subject. they were crying and after everything calmed down, i juz hanged ard, doing my maths and talking. thruout the whole time, i didnt even know that lance was lying awake, worrying abt me. then aft tt, he gave up waiting and msged peiching. said it was urgent. so i RAN all the way down and called him. then i found out that he was pissed off with me. and very sad. so i tried to explain but having lots of unfortunate events with girls, he didnt trust me. so there. we had a big fight which ended with him saying he wanted to break up. so now i'm really not sure wat to do. tell u more tmr or sth. bye

Thursday, July 27, 2006

wind, sun and rain.

ever since i was 10, i LOVED walking in the rain. it's like a time when u are truly alone and u feel like everyone is in their own little capsule filling it with thoughts of how they want their world to be like and wat they think about it. everytime i walk in the rain, i feel a kind of sadness. but it's a kind of nice sadness. you dont really cry from it but u feel at peace. corny i know, but this is really how i feel. the first time i walked in the rain was when i was with my best friend at that time. obviously, i was 10. i feel like there are onli the two of us in this world and really at peace. i haf always wanted to try that again ever since. the second time was when i was in sec 1 or 2. i cant remember. i had no choice then, but i still feel the same feeling of peace and well-being. after that, when i got home, i felt ridiculously safe and happy.

in case you are starting to think that i'm a depressing person, dont. cos i'm not. i really like the sun as well. even though i sometimes wish it wouldnt shine on me so harshly when i'm already feeling sticky. on good days, i like the way it feels on my skin and the way it warms me up when i first step out of somewhere cold. it's like stepping out into a nice warm shower, except it's not that solid. i also like the way it drys up my tears whenever i cry and feel sad. i juz face up towards the sun and let it dry up my tears. as if someone is wiping them away for me. but because the sun shines everyday but it doesnt rian everyday, not even in a humid place like s'pore, i obviously dont appreciate it as much as the rain.

i also like the wind. the way it blows around me whenever i feel warm. this is good, i have lots of breezes around me in the classroom. but that's probably because i'm sitting under the fan. hahax. but seriously, none of you will deny that after coming back from pe feeling sweaty and hot and damn sticky, it feels really good to just stand under the fan and let it cool you down and evaporate the sweat. when a cool breeze blows around you, dont you feel lke there is someone ruffling up your hair affectionately? ok i know i shdnt say this since it IS 7th month, but it's the truth right? oh well...

if you find my post corny, then you better stop reading it. cos either i have an unusually weird passion for life, or you dont appreciate anything in your life at all. take a pick.

btw, i created this blog so that i dont haf to use a diary as i'm having a hard time trying to hide it from my mom. before i start writing rubbish, bye.