Saturday, September 26, 2009

Busy Busy

I opened my big mouth when my boss was arranging shifts for next week and ranted off "Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday" as my free days. Even though I'll be getting a nice fat pay at the end of the event, I like to think my feet and back will still be intact at the end.

The 10-12 hours shifts will be fun fun fun!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Instant Relief

I have worked myself sick. Got to take it easy from now to prevent the onset of fever.

On the bus home, it was really cold and instantly I thought of all the times Ryan let me hug him on the inside of his coat so that I'll be able to warm up from his body heat. I hate missing him so much. So I shall move on.

Who knows, I may even save up to move to NI for about a year after I serve my bond with the teaching place.

Maybe it'll be for Ryan.

Maybe by then I'll go purely because I miss my amazing friends and family situated there.

Maybe it'll even be for the miserable weather and for amazing Christmases and Easter.

Who knows what the future may bring? I shall move on, and I will.


Sold sixteen boxes today and I was only there for six hours! Proud of myself, me.

I also managed to burn myself and give myself a welt on the arm. It happened on the Pepper Lunch hotplate which must be about 200 degrees. Ouch.

I have basically told Ryan that I shall not talk to him till he talks to me. This will help me see if he really still likes me even a little bit. OK, I know that he doesn't but shhhh.

Oh Lord give me strength and patience for the ordeal ahead. I trust in you and I shall believe in you.


Sunday, September 20, 2009



Had a swim today which wasn't great. Cos I got kicked in the stomach. It was horrible and I had the wind knocked outta me. :( Maybe I should just swim on weekdays. *Sigh*

On a better note, work is getting better. It's coming closer to Mid-Autumn Festival and so there're more people coming in to buy mooncakes. Yepz yepz. ^_^ Business is getting better.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


After ten hours of standing up with an aching lower back and promoting the hell outta those mooncakes, I managed to sell four boxes. Not good eh? Well like my boss was telling me I have to do my best and know that I can do that. It's all very well to tell me that and to tell myself that, but I have to believe it deep deep down at my very core.

Going to try it tomorrow. I will tell myself "I'm going to sell this within an hour" and then try to ignore my feet and back. Wish I remembered my backache cream though. It really hurt and I had to stretch several times which didn't look pretty.

In other news, does anyone know how on earth can my Spongebib shirt just get so short in a year? I wanted to wear it today but realised it looked darn stupid just hanging there at my belly button. *sigh*

I shall have to remember to send my supportingh documents to National Institute of Education. Or they will not consider me.

Ah Well

Now I know that only one person reads my blog. *sad face*

Anyway, I did not get into the university. Dean was not there so my parents and me spoke to the person in charge of admissions instead. Turns out, I was too late and also, the quota for the courses I applied for have exceeded. Which means no matter how I squeeze, I can't get in.

Also, I only sold a box of mooncakes today. And got chatted up by an old man. He came up and I was promoting mooncakes and then he started telling me how he was divorced and how he was lonely. Then he proceeded to ask my name, and where he could contact me. After which he said he was an entrepeneur. And asked if I would like to join him in Johor Bahru for big money.

No way in the world am I gonna agree to that. I mean I've heard of things like this, but even if he wanted to cheat me I think it's a little to lousy to be called cheating per se. Not to be arrogant, but I saw through it and no one is going to follow him right?


Nearly vlogged today too but I decided not to. Well, I gotta get to bed soon. Not only am I opening the store on my own tomorrow, I still have to train people. It's time to catch that very first customer and make this my day.

Aim for 20 boxes tomorrow!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Story time!

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was fan-dabby-dozy. She would mistake a lizard for a frog and when she accidentally stepped on one in the shower was petrified of them every since then.

She went upon her merry life and in the turbulence of her teenage years went up and down, up and down. So much so that she had to go to Northern Ireland. The said girl went to school, met many many amazing people and fell in love with an amazing guy who picked her up from where the raging hormones of teenage-hood left her. Nearly two years later, after she was flown back to Singapore, he dumped her. That was right about the time two of the universities of her choice rejected her too. After leading her on for nearly six months that is. She felt (and sometimes still does feel), like an abandoned toy.

Well now. Poor wee girl. Feeling rejected and very, very unloved (even a month later), she went on to take a job promotion mooncakes at a shopping centre. Guess what? The job scope included taking samples of mooncakes out and being rejected over and over by loads of people (I would love to say hundreds but that would be exaggerating).

Funnily enough, that amazing girl (who has just about as much luck as five people put together), got a great supervisor who taught her how to promote and patiently corrected her faults. At the end of ten hours, she'd sold more than a hundred dollars worth of mooncakes in spite of the unhospitable crowd. It was only six boxes though. (like I said, great luck she doth have)

When she came home, there was another letter from one of the universities of her choice, stating that she had been rejected. However, instead of being crushed, that letter brought her hope. The reason why, dear readers, was because she got the feeling that she was able to get in with her results. She was just a few months too late. And so, this tired (but still amazing) girl is going to wake up at the ungodly hour of 7.30am in the morning to go straight to the dean of the university with her mom to have a 'talk' with him.

She has a good feeling about this. Wish her luck in her tagbox everyone. Or this girl will cry herself to sleep. (yes that is a threat)


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Bad Weather

You know, over here in Singapore bad weather doesn't necessarily mean rain. In fact, I like the rain. It makes everything cooler, and you sweat less.

Now, the weather today, that's bad weather. It was really warm, and the humidity was off the charts. I spent all day feeling really sticky and in spite of the fan being on full speed, it was still very humid and warm.

On the other hand, I got a job for two weeks. And that was literally the answer to my prayers to be able to pay off my bills and transport. It's at a mooncake promotion in Bugis Junction and I think it's at a counter. Probably be working for 8 hours a day at $5 per hour, for four days a week. That's not too shabby.

So it's pretty on and off for now. The computer's turning itself off unpredictably which doesn't help my mood, so I guess it'll have to post this real soon.

Not that way anymore

Me: you still feel anything for me at all?
Ryan: Not that way anymore no.
Me: ..................................*starts to cry*

I'm such a douche. Why am I doing this to myself????

Thursday, September 10, 2009


It was a great day today. Movie was great, and I realised that the movie I wanted to watch with Ryan while I was in NI was called Planet 51. Not 21, 41, but 51. Damn I did searched on 'Planet 41', 'Planet 21', and even did a search on 'Planet' on IMDB. But yea, G-Force was so funny. ^_^

Came home to see if Ryan was online and he wasn't. Well, I mean it's not too surprising. But that is not what I came to talk about today.

Went onto Facebook, (like I always do), and then saw that there were lots of pictures put up by AK of Ryan. So I decided to take a look. Sure, I mean people do that all the time and it couldn't do any harm right? Wrong.

I mean, as I looked at the photos well they were good, but they just made me miss him so much. And to be honest, he looked really good. *blush* He's kept his beard long-ish. Really it isn't longer than an inch but enough to see the shadow. It really defines his jaw. (oooh look at me, the facial expert -_-) Damn, I just miss him so much.

Well, he's going away for two years in April and I probably won't hear from him alot. Possibly an email a month if I'm lucky. Just wish that I could be there.

You know what else? Now I don't really know this at all but he (possibly) has a snake! I really want a snake too and even someone else's snake woulda been fine dammit. Why now? A mere two months after I'm gone, things go so well for him?

Why after such a long time of being the (nearly) top priority in each other's lives, I'm probably near the bottom now?

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Doughnut Hoooles!

Doughnut holes are sweeeet! Found it finally but somehow it wasn't done too well. It was over-fried. :(

On another note, I'm going to go to a steamboat/grill place. Seoul Garden! YAY! Then to the movies we go. Me and my cousins. Should be fun.

Monday, September 07, 2009


I vlogged today. :) Find it if you can!

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Dyed Hair

I dyed my hair today for the 1st time. It's a reddish tint and the smell of ammonia is just really bad. I kinda wish that I waited for longer for the colour to develope before I washed it. Now the colour is barely visible. :( or is it because my hair's still wet..but then again my fringe is dry but i can't see anything.

Friday, September 04, 2009


I made good on my promise to myself more than two months later. To run in the morning around the neighbourhood.

And so today I woke up bright and early at 9am, got breakfast, sat around and then went out to run. Turns out, I am most definitely not fit. I started out running ok, and then in a minute or two I'm panting really hard and by the third minute, I am huffing and puffing and starting to walk.

Pathetic aren't I.

So I walked all around the block I planned to jog, and got home with a pounding head and sick stomach. Boooo. No fair. Maybe I started out too strong. I will try again on Sunday.

Tomorrow is the invigilating exam. Whew. It's gonna be tough. I'll be required to speak to the examinees. That, and I don't have anything to wear yet. Got to do some serious shopping for shoes and a top later before the lesson. See, me and my sister (who's the assistant invigilator) have to sit for a lesson as to what we have to do tomorrow. It's today from 7pm-10pm. So shopping has to be done before then. Hope my sister gets back from school early. Tomorrow the exam is from 8am-1pm. After which I will have to rush across Singapore to make it to my student for his tuition lesson by 2pm.

Seriously. I need the money.

I didn't really bother to go onto msn yesterday and I haven't stalked Ryan on Facebook in two days which is good. Still think about him alot, and I get loads of flashbacks. But then it's gotten easier ever since I changed my phone background to somthing else other than Ryan. He really makes me wonder if everything is ever true. What he said. You know all that lovey dovey stuff. I don't want to come out of this relationship bitter. I want to come out stronger. Stronger, but not bitter. But now I really doubt if what he said during those times were true. Shall not repeat it here lest people start to puke up their last meal.

Blah! I'm going to just go and play my computer game. =D it's lotsa fun! Not very well known but it's called Pet Shop Hop where you run a pet shop (as the name suggests) and I love it. Got stuck at a level yesterday and after losing like three times I decided it was time to go to bed. (it was 1am)

I'm so sorry for these pictureless and random posts. But then again, I've got so much on my mind. If I put it somewhere (like in here) I might just feel a little bit better.

Which reminds me. I went to the minister of parliament yesterday again. She was so nice and immediately after hearing about my failed attempts to get into uni, she emailed one of the persons in charge of the uni to personally review my applications and appeal. ^_^ So sweet. Hopefully this will be done and dusted then I can concentrate on my future. Part of the whole uni thing which gets me so much is that for now I simply cannot do anything. And so long as my parents keep pushing to go into uni, my future remains uncertain. (sad face)

Maybe I'll get doughnut holes to cheer myself up later. Seriously, what's a girl got to do to get some doughnut holes around here? A few days ago I was out and I literally went into every bakery I passed and there were no doughnut holes! :( I settled for a real doughnut eventually but it was nowhere near as satisfying as putting a whole doughnut hole into your mouth and letting the sugar melt. For those who don't know what doughnut holes are, they're the holes from the doughnut. Simple as that. I mean when they make the holes in the doughnuts the excess has to go somewhere right? Some combine the excess to make another doughnut. Some make doughnut holes. I like calling them doughnut holes cos it's funny. Scientifically, holes don't exist. Like if you see a hole, you can only see it because it is surrounded by matter. Much like pouring paint on an invisible person cos you can see them. Right? (if you don't get it then it's fine)

Shall not drivel anymore. Cos it's starting to get pretty rubbish. Byeeee.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

What is it?

What is love? It's the feeling pheromones in your brains release whenever you see someone you find attractive. And when they like you back, your whole world is plunged into technicolour. That is, the legendary rose-tinted glasses. Everything is a wonderful shade and even a pile of poo can be beautiful. (Oooh see how the light catches the moisture? See how it slowly steams during the winter?)

You feel like you're walking on air every single day and everytime you see your 'soulmate', your heart skips and you just want to go over and give them a great big hug. Cuddles, snuggles, and hugs are aplenty, and you feel more protected than you've every been in your life. Kisses feel just like that moment when you put ur lips to the marshmallow slowly roasted over a fire and then cooled off to just the right temperature. Everything is absolutely, and undeniably perfect.

Scientifically, your brain will stop producing the loved up feeling pheromones after 18 months in a relationship. The satisfying feeling should stop. But somehow, it's not the case with me. I work really hard at my relationships. I still feel loved up, protected, and happy even 20 months into my relationship. Even though I know from previous experiences that hardwork doesn't always equal to great success, I still work hard at my relationships hoping that somehow the other half will realise, and appreciate it.

Well, sometimes they do. Sometimes, they don't. Then when the brutal "I don't love you anymore" comes, your rose tinted glasses are snatched away. And your world is plunged into mud water. Everything you see seem to be covered in a shade of grey. Much like whenever you put your black tinted swimming goggles on. You steps are slow and heavy, everything bothers you and you just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. It's just! You go to sleep hoping that somehow, tomorrow will be a better day, that maybe, possibly, perhaps, that person will tell you "Awwk I'm sorry honey, I made a mistake, I really do love you afterall." And then go to sleep again the next day thinking "Nobody loves me, nobody cares." Sleeping is an escape, and waking up a harsh jerk into reality.

Even though now I know that a relationship with Ryan is out of the question, at least until all is said and done, I would still take him back in an instant. It's so hard to move on even though I know I have to.

Today is another day. Going to see the MP to appeal into a university. I'm thoroughly sick of the whole thing. It's like drawing blood from a stone. Isn't it true that if I take a year out to do more A level subjects I would have a higher chance this year? Or am I just talking bullshit.

On a brighter note, I can complete the rubix cube without looking at my notes anymore. It's pretty good. My best timing so far is around 3 minutes. And I will be aiming for the megaminx when I can complete the cube in under a minute. I like my rubix cube. It helps distract me from thinking about 'him' and crying over 'him'.

'Cos any guy who makes you cry ain't worth crying over. Right?

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


Warning: This post is really personal and not going to be funny in any way.

See, on Monday, after talking to one of Ryan's close friends, I decided that for my own good, I'm going to ignore Ryan for a week and not talk to him unless he talks to me. Last night was the 1st day. I saw him online but he did not talk to me. Repressing the overwhelming urge to call him before I go to bed, I just tired myself out and went to bed.

So, I dreamt about Ryan last night. At first I dreamt that he came over to Singapore on his own and was living somewhere in Jurong or something, which was far away. Then we were together and had our arms around one another and acting all couple-like. I was so happy. Then I had to wake up to go to the toilet. (damn nature) And thought while drifting back to sleep "Haven't we broken up?"

And so, a new dream began. This time he had broken up with me. *devastated* So I was ill, I think. But he would not talk to me and seemed to not care. It was ultimately a very, very painful dream. This dream was unlike any other. The place was all the same, it was consistent and the timeline, although a little weird, seemed logical enough. I even felt his arm around me and felt much safer than I ever had in ages. I am such a soppy sod.

Well, I've put on more weight. Must be from all that stress-eating. Going to run starting tomorrow for sure, which means that I will be sleeping by 11pm from today on. Now that I know I can't talk to Ryan, being online seems a little pointless. Yea, Greg and Claire are being real angels. Greg being a granda and all. But yea, there's always email, if people will just reply to me.

From today on, to whoever's reading, I'm going to take blogging as a means to clear my mind whenever I need it. It's going to be the salve on my broken and (hopefully) healing heart.

Damn, I miss him so much it hurts.

Theraputic blog = Long and drivelly posts

So, stay if you want to. Drop me a tag, just so I know you care.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009


After I master the rubix cube and have some money, I'm going to get a megaminx and try to solve it!!

Uni Blues

There is still no word from NUS as to whether I'm accepted or not. School term has already started for nearly a month and I want to be able to get in as soon as possible. It's just so annoying.