Warning: This post is really personal and not going to be funny in any way.
See, on Monday, after talking to one of Ryan's close friends, I decided that for my own good, I'm going to ignore Ryan for a week and not talk to him unless he talks to me. Last night was the 1st day. I saw him online but he did not talk to me. Repressing the overwhelming urge to call him before I go to bed, I just tired myself out and went to bed.
So, I dreamt about Ryan last night. At first I dreamt that he came over to Singapore on his own and was living somewhere in Jurong or something, which was far away. Then we were together and had our arms around one another and acting all couple-like. I was so happy. Then I had to wake up to go to the toilet. (damn nature) And thought while drifting back to sleep "Haven't we broken up?"
And so, a new dream began. This time he had broken up with me. *devastated* So I was ill, I think. But he would not talk to me and seemed to not care. It was ultimately a very, very painful dream. This dream was unlike any other. The place was all the same, it was consistent and the timeline, although a little weird, seemed logical enough. I even felt his arm around me and felt much safer than I ever had in ages. I am such a soppy sod.
Well, I've put on more weight. Must be from all that stress-eating. Going to run starting tomorrow for sure, which means that I will be sleeping by 11pm from today on. Now that I know I can't talk to Ryan, being online seems a little pointless. Yea, Greg and Claire are being real angels. Greg being a granda and all. But yea, there's always email, if people will just reply to me.
From today on, to whoever's reading, I'm going to take blogging as a means to clear my mind whenever I need it. It's going to be the salve on my broken and (hopefully) healing heart.
Damn, I miss him so much it hurts.
Theraputic blog = Long and drivelly posts
So, stay if you want to. Drop me a tag, just so I know you care.