The Starting Line - The Best Of Me

me and lance loved this song and used to listen to it when we go out. when we cant meet each other and i heard this song, i almost cried. the last part is funny the father came out and said "i'm gonna call the f***ing cops!" hahax :)

kindness

i am so touched to find out that kindness still exists in this world.

today was raining and i havent got an umbrella. zoe was kind enough to let me share her umbrella halfway to the nearest shelter. after that, i waited for the rain to get stop, or at least get smaller. then this malay woman was crossing the rad halfway when she saw me and asked if i would like to share her umbrella with her. actually she did that through hand gestures of sorts. then when i nodded, she came and sheltered me all the way until i told her i could go on from there. she was really nice. she told me to take care of my books when we were under the umbrella and said "take care" when we parted.

reason why i was so appreciative is because it would really be a torture to go home in the rain. not in the condition i was in just now. i was carrying books which totalled up to the grand total of 7-8cm and my bag was so heavy. i also had a stomachache as i went hungry during break. then the books were pressing into my stomache and it hurt. even though at one point of time my sleeve got thouroughly soaked, i was still appreciative because if not, i would be suffering more now.

this is the second time i was helped by a stranger when i was walking in the rain. it was also a heavy rain and i was walking in it. yes, seriously WALKING in it. so, i felt like i am swimming. and then i was walking to the bus stop when this guy with an umbrella came over and sheltered me. i walked away, cos, well, he's a GUY! then he sort of gestured again that he wanted me to share it. so, i went under the umbrella and we walked in silence. then he asked where i was going. just then, i saw my bus come in the distance and i told him my bus is here. then i ran away to the bus.

i didnt even say thankyou.

i would like to give all those who ever sheltered me in the rain my heartfelt thanks. you made my world feel peachy keen and made me feel like i was living in a world where there is no pain and suffering. thanks. and to the guy, i'm really sorry if i seemed rude to you. i hope you are not angry. thank you.

i'm so proud of myself!!!!!!!!

i finally did the whole thing by myself! ok, the skin is done by someone else, but it's really nice! and the stuff about me and everything, really nice.

i like the little bunnies at the bottom of each post. very sweet. i know it sounds dumb, but i think it looks sweet. hahax.

i came home with my dad on the bus at ard 5+ today. it's been a long time since i took a bus with him and it's kinda special. i may not like him at times, but i really dont want anything bad to happen to my dad.

absolutely nothing.

yea. so i shd be going now. bye.

cold...

i'm reallycold niw and my fingers areshiveringand numb. this is from the library. yipee! and it's raining outside, PLUS the aircon is blowing straight at me. shit. this is really horrible. i just found out how to cure my messy blog. all i have to do is to get a new blog skin then add in the tagbox and my maoer and counter. so cool!

i am now searching for a blogskin. i want it to be like this one, but i dont think i will be able to find one like it. i like the big fonts, the no-fuss format, i like the way everything is in one page and all you have to do is to scroll down to look at other stuff. haiz. i think all those will be a thing of the past if i dont find the correct blogskin. i cant get the original one. so yea. byebye simple blog format. *sob*

just now i was at physics remedial which was supposed to end at 4.30pm. was kinda pissed at the timing and was thinking about wat i could actually DO with the time, when suddenly two guys in my class said they had to go for dance rehearsal for teacher's day. then mr lee went through the questions really fast and everyone left the classroom at 3.40pm. cool huh? to kill time, and to accompany seowpeng on her posting of very much belated entries, i decided to come take a look too, so i could talk to lance for a longer time today. :P

i'm going to call lance later after this.

i have no idea why mr lee suddenly went so fast through all those questions. perhaps he was also tired, or maybe because, being a teacher as well, he wants to see a decent performance put up for him! hahax. just joking. i prefer the second explanation. funny. i think my inspiration level goes up when i'm more relaxed and when i cant feel my fingers. they're numb now. i already blew on them for quite a few times already. and they're still cold!

i'm now looking for a few pictures so that i can upload it and so that the post wont seem so empty.

i havent started working on the post dedicated to my kor kor yet.

so much work to do on the internet.

i'm writing one sentence paragraphs so that i can waste space. :)

i got back one of my social studies work yesterday and i got this chop with a cute bear saying "good" so yes! i did well.

k. uploaded the photo already. hahax. nothing to write already. byez

things to come

i definitely cant fix the blog now...and i'm too embarassed to ask jeremy to help. cos i asked him for help on lots of stuff already. yea

there's nothing much happening. my form teacher is going to order mcdonalds breakfast for everyone in the class on thursday. it cost her $2oo+ and she said it doesnt matter. she also said sth like she had put away money for that anyway. i dont think many teachers do that for their class. and on teacher's day too.

in a few days, i'm going to post sth dedicated entirely to my kor kor. he was the one who made me street wise, and probably taught me things about the world which i will never otherwise learn. my parents certainly never taught me to look after myself well, or comfort me like he did. maybe it's because i didnt tell my parents anything but they arent that sensitive to my feelings like he was.

k, not going to say anything more, if not i'm not going to have anything to say. hahax.

rantings

i'm starting to lose interest in my blog.

there are just so many damn bloody pop-ups and i'm very sure many people wont bother to tolerate this really big imperfection. and this really sucks. i was online for 15 minutes on thursday waiting for the pop-ups to settle and it didnt. i'm really sorry about this. i think it's beacause of some of the features i put in my blog so i'm going to cancel them. yea.

i just cancelled some of the features but i think i did something wrong because when i went into my blog after i republished it, there were less pop-ups about one or two. but there was something seriously wrong with the bottom part of the blog. oh shit. so now, instead of having a perfect, clean blog, i have a blog which is seriously disfigured at the bottom. so now how am i supposed to expect people to read some of the stuff i put when i just got the blog?

i really regret putting the features in. now even my tag box is missing and i dont have any archives. my mao er is also missing...argh shit. at least that is what i see. i hope you dont see that. i'm feeling depressed. my blog is a mess. a MESS!!! shit shit shit shit shit shit.

i hate humid days.

it makes me very snappish and want to punch somebody in the face. like on friday, after recess time, i was still mourning the loss of my $10 the night before. someone stole it from the wallet where i take my monthly money out slowly every week. i was needing the money for my ez link card cos the balance is like zero. so i was really sad, i wanted to cry. so anyway, it was after reccess and it was really humid and i was really sticky and all. so i got really fed up. and was thinking that if anyone, ANYONE, were to piss me off, i would punch him /her .

so when i met lance later, i was copying some stuff down. then he was disturbing me like stepping on my feet and such, and i told him that he is lucky he wasnt doing that after recess cos i was really pissed off and i wont hesitate to shout at him. cos i was really pissed at that time. after that, i cooled down, didnt feel so sticky and felt better. and then...

i'm not gonna tell you :P

yepz yepz. so everything is ok between me and lance already. i'm really sorry that i coudnt blog for such a long time. it's that lance and me had just gone through a rough patch. it's that i have been calling him when he is asleep. so he kinda got seriously angry. and so, i cried and stuff but it's all over. :)

argh...i'm having a writer's block now. nothing to write. byebye

hate my com...

i seriously hate my com. i had to log in and log off the com at least 3 times before i could come in to post.

thing is, the window stopped responding as soon as i clicked "create a post". shit ass...i had so much to say today but after all that trouble, i have no mood to say anything now.

k. anyway, today is al going to be on girl talk and how guys should be more sensitive to wat girls would think and react to watever they say. the most degrading thing you can say to a girl is to that she is someone who is very loose, and probably is desperate. in other words, say that she is cheap, a pros, and other things of the same meaning.

if you say that, it's going to be very insulting and the girl will feel very hurt. seriously, cant you guys be more sensitive to a girl's needs? to those who already are sensitive, goos and fine. but those who arent, and who just shoot off whatever is on their mind, please be more sensitive, or else you will lose your girl in less then half a year if she is not tolerant. if she is, she'll burst out one day. trust me.

er...i've got nth else to say liao...so guys, just be sensitive. and to those who are wondering, it's not because of lance. nothing happened. except he broke a promise which he made in an attempt to cheer me up. i appreciate it of course, but really, i dont like it if my hopes are raised up then after a while, comes crashing down. it hurts you know. but it's not his fault, something happened in his family, and i dont think it'll be fair to him to tell everyone wat happened in his family.

k. now i've really got nothing to write. bye

maternal grandparents

my mom was crying very badly just now. when i saw her, her face was a mess of red and green. that's because my maternal grandmother almost died of choking during dinner. she was going senile and developed this very dangerous habit of eating very quickly. what happened was she ate the rice too quickly and the rice got choked in her windpipe. then when she vomitted, some of the soup which she drank to unblock her windpipe escaped through her nose. i witnessed it all.

if my mom were to almost die like that, no matter how much i wont forgive her for slapping me and stuff, i would cry too. and my maternal grandfather had serious stroke. his arm nad swollen up to twice the normal size and will be bedridden. he also had to be fed through a tube. my paternal and maternal grandparents live together because my relative who lived with her got lung cancer and there are just no more choices. so, my family is a lively ten people living in a 3 storey house.

i dont want to see my maternal grandmother and grandfather like that too, but i just dont know them enough to feel strongly. i didnt live with my maternal grandparents until recently. and so, i not that clse to them. life is really fragile when you think about it. my mom's sis-in-law had cancer and i just dont know what to do about it. it was a few months ago already. i havent seen her ever since my mom broke the news to me and my sister at thomson plaza. when i saw my cousins(children of my aunt i mentioned) looking at my maternal grandfather when he was lying in the hospital bed, i felt really bad. they lived with my maternal grandparents all their life and now that their mom has cancer and my maternal grandfather has stroke, it's like their world is falling apart.

anyway, i promised you my sec 1 sister's photo and here it is:

she's quite pretty isnt she? she took that photo herself. you can see that camera strap on her neck. and it's at the place where me and jordan's family went to for lunch once. i got into trouble with my parents for making a scene there. yepz. lalala...btw, jordan, wat's a mosh pit? and how on earth did it hit you so that you got a black lip? does it hurt? i bet it does. hahax.

to those who are curious, my cousin looks like me except i'm cheekier and have darker skin. that's all. i mean cheeky as in flesh, not as in mischievious. yepz. and jordan's face is really red too! so you cant call me tomato face anymore when i blush.

now i've really got nothing to write. byebye

my pix is there

agrh shit...jeremy took a photo of me by accident. i didnt know my picture was being taken as well. that's how my face ended up in his blog. oh well, i'm that girl staring into the camera in the foreground. when i saw that, i was like "oh no!!" cos i look quite dumb, really, and i dont usually look at the camera like that. i had no idea that he was going already clicking away so i just stared at him. hahax.

so. i just about came back from tuition and i'm not really exhausted which is really weird cause i was yawning away during tuition. i dont know why being in an air-conditioned room makes me tired. ah...my sister is pestering me again. i'll post her pix there later. hahax. to embarass her. actually it's not an embarassing pix of her or anything. just put her face on the net.

k. post again tonight. byebye :)

badminton yellows, chain mail blues

yesterday i was playing badminton and i think my game improved. i managed to hit like 60% of the shuttlecocks. so it's good. i was playing duobles with jiehui, jiahwee, and seowpeng, then when we were playing, i accidently hit jiahwee's nose. we didnt really know wat happened until she sort of sank down or sth. then i felt so bad...really. i didnt know that i was a menace when i'm with a badminton racket. shit...but then, i can tell everyone is really patient with me. esp when their face didnt go black when i missed the shuttlecock quite a few times in a row. so yes,on the whole, i'm happy. i call my being happy over badminton "badminton yellows" cause the "blues" means your woes or your sadness over something. and happy is the opposite of sad, yellow is opposite of blue in the colour wheel. so there you go, "badminton yellows".

while i'm really happy on friday, my whole mood was spoiled by this creepy chain mail i got. i dont really mind is the chain mail is all happy and about love and stuff, but i absolutely hate chain mails which threaten you with bad luck in relationship or death. i get really freaked over mails like these. esp those about ghosts and violence porn. there is such a thing. violence porn is simply some pictures of real blood and gore which sickos go online to watch for some kind of pervertic pleasure. everytime i receive something like that, i would get the heebie-jeebies whenever i go to the toilet on my own and keep looking over my shoulder when i'm bathing to see if anyone, anything is behind me. and it's really difficult. this usually lasts for a few days.

there was one about bloody mary. the mail said she would hunt me down and kill me whenever i look into a mirror after 10.30pm. i was so freaked, i had to hold my pee in for a few hours everytime i want to go into the toilet in the middle of the night. that's because i had to pass by two mirrors to get to the toilet bowl i need. first mirror is just by my room door and the second one, right across the toilet. how wonderful is that? you tell me?

the one i got yesterday scared the pants off of me(not my shit. i already went to the washroom to empty my rectum earlier) and made me feel like throwing up my dinner. it was this e-mail about starving people in africa who had nothing to eat. you may be thinking "no biggie, i saw then before. they are the kids with skinny bodies but bloated tummies"i saw those kids before on tv as well. but this one showed real starving people. they were practically skeletons and i MEAN skeletons. there was absolutely no muscle at all and it was just skin and bone. i wanted to put some of the photos here but i really dont want to scare anyone who may be freaked out like me. the people were so skeletal, i really wonder if they were alive.

there was one of a starved african crawling after somebody who is carrying a shopping bag stuffed with loads of food. he(or she?) looked like a mutated dog with longer limbs and no tail and no ears. it was really scary. the worse was of an afrcan with unhealthy grey skin(GREY!!!!) putting his/her mouth near an elephant's anal opening so that he/she would be able to eat whatever comes out of it. another shows him/her washing his/her hair in antelope urine. i'm totally serious. this may sound utterly fascinating and fantastical to you but those photos really exist. there was one more which shows a vulture waiting for a boy who was crawling to a food camp 1 km away to die. they said the photographer died 3 mths after that due to depression.

those kinds of photos should be rated as porn and banned. i know it's for information purposes but i seriously think they need those kind of photos to make a statement. seriously. then this morning i started thinking. why didnt those people hunt food for themselves like their ancestors did long before their time? and where there are elephants and antelope, there's game which means food. why did they hunt them? at least the antelopes maybe. i may not be an expert on survival but i do have a rough idea of what people in countries without civilisation do to eat. and the skeletal person crawling after the basket, why didnt some kind-hearted soul just take him/her under their wing by sending him/her to the hospital and then giving him/her a job and watching over him/her until he/she is independent enough? or at the very least, why dont they bring those kinds of people to the nearest charity hospital?

i'm starting to wonder if those photos are fake, but i really dont think so. it's just too serious to be made a joke of and faked. i know technology is very advanced nowadays, but i just...cant ignore it and turn away from the com and forget about it. those pictures still sorta haunts my thoughts...damnit...

mommy's there

so sorry about not posting last friday. i WAS on the net but my mom was behind me watching and i dont want her to know that i have a blog so i didnt post. i was worried hthat she would read it.

the 40min- a-day-or-less plan was a success! i have more than 1 hr left. let's go pop the champagne! *fizz*

anyway i gotta go to tuition now. bye

english oral

my body was pumped up with adrenaline and my heart felt like a hummingbird trying to escape. i walked slowly to the table, read the passage and trying to feel confident, walked towards the table. i am now prepared for wat's to come. after saying "good afternoon", and picked up the paper. then...

WHOOPEEEEE!!! it wasnt really a breeze, but it was easier than i thought. not that i'm trying to boast or anything but i think the examiners seemed impressed. then again, i thought the examiners looked impressed by me during chinese oral. all i got was a measly merit. i expected better. i think i probably got out of point. that's y. yepz. they asked about the place i like to go to to eat, and i said crystal jade palace cause i can have freshly made noodles there. i mentioned that you can see the noodles being made there and one of the examiners eyes went wide. i also said about liking the freshness cos in other restaurants, it's like so obvious that the noodles are from factories can? but there, you get noodles made from flour and water and other good stuff.

there was this topic where i have to say whether i prefer being my own boss or being employed by someone else. i said employed by someone else cause i can give my ideas and watch them being developed, and take shape. but that is if the employer likes it. and also, i adont have to worry about getting my pay, and i all i have to do is swallow my temper and do watever they say. i dont have to thin kabout better ways to earn money and stuff. then we talked about the disadvantages of being employed. then i said you cant really choose your setting, and you cant say you want this cushy office and so on and so forth. then there was this one which the examiner asked me wat qualities i need to be able to be employed. i said to be patient, to have social skills so that i wont say something wring to offend someone and not even know it, and to be able to swallow your temper. cause if you were to shout back at your boss if he scolds you, you may lose your job and if you dont, you will be discrminated for the rest of your working life. worse, if your colleagues like that boss, they wouldnt like you for scolding back.

so yea. and i wasnt even nervous. ok. i admit i feel nervous but just a little bit. and it helped that the examiners were both ladies as well. yepz yepz...well...gotta go. byebye

the best friend a child could have-esters

few days ago, i learnt about esters in chemistry and they were really cool. it's all about drawing and theory so i really enjoyed the chemistry lesson. now, most of you are probably wondering wat are esters. i'm going to give you two clues. it's sweet, and the kids will definitely keep quiet when they eat it.

k. esters are a product of alcohol and carboxylic acids. i like the name carboxylic acids. carboxylic sounds like something you can munch, like bread. anyway, they are actually flavourings. they produce a fruity flavour which kids love and that's why people put them in sweets and probably juices too. after that lesson, i keep looking at the ingredients of fruit juices to see if they actually put flavourings inside. it's really quite easy to see them. they are usually ____yl ____oate. there are a few different kinds of alcohol and carboxylic acids and they have this table which says wat is the chemical formula and how many carbon atoms there are. alcohols and carboxylic acids are actually this chemical which is under organic compound...is it? i'm not really sure. i forgot already. so, they are mostly made up of carbon and oxygen and hydrogen atoms. except the structure is different. you have the double bond and all that stuff. yepz. so back to the naming. they have eth, meth, prop, but, and some others. the eth, meth, and so on and so forth are the indications of how many carbon atoms there are. if it is an alcohol, you say ethanol, methanol, and so on. so if i mix an alcohol with one carbon atom with a carboxylic acid with one carbin atom, i would get, ethyl ethanoate. something like that.

i dont think you know very well wat i'm talking about do you? i'm sorry if i bored you.

i just read jeremy's blog just now and it was about how he just cant feel motivated to study. truth is, i dont feel that motivated to study too. sure, i'm doing my homework. but i dont really revise. which is bad. and for theory based things like chemistry, i dont bother to pick out my txtbooks and flip to the page to find out exactly wat it is. it's probably because my physics and chemistry txtbooks are practically falling apart. and also because they are so heavy. for me, i'm the kind of person who really starts to panic when whatever i'm going to encounter starts to draw really near. like in a few hours time? or even a few minutes time. like the time i went to pierce my ears, i wasnt even scared when i reached the place. onli when the person starts to get whatever you pierce your ears with did i go "oh my god...they're going to pierce right THROUGH my ear. a piece of flesh is going to be taken away." i was so scared and close to crying, my face turned really red and when i got out, my sister was amazed at the redness of my face. sure, piercing your ears dont hurt. but i was really scared at that time.

i'm really feeling the pressure now. but i just cant feel motivated. when i was taking my psle, i was motivated because the teacher scared the shit out of me. but now, i dont feel anything. i see the numbers on the board counting down to my prelims and i would go "oh dear. it's less than a month!" but i still cant study. i used to think there was something wrong with me. now that i saw jeremy's blog, i feel very much better. really. now i know that there are people who dont feel the pressure too. but there is a difference. jeremy is naturally smart. so he absorbs things like a sponge. for me, i only do that when the things are theory based. if not, i'm helpless. and i think he's studying too. cos he knows how to do the other maths questions which i dont know.

worse still he's standard of spoken english is much better than mine. and in my o level orals tmr, he's going to be in front of me. which means he's going to set the bar higher for me to jump over, if i dont perform as well as him, my grades will suck and even if i do, i may or maynot get as good a grade as him. plus, my conversation and picture description suck. ARGH! k. i'm dead meat. he's gonna kill me. my friends and miss nora go "oh, you'll do fine, your english good." and when miss nora organised something like telling us to talk about anything so long as we use proper english, i went "it's SUCH a privilege!" and everyone swarmed over to get a piece of my english. oh man...i feel really bad when i tell people how to pronounce the words which i sometimes dont even know how to pronounce. i used to pronounce words ny muddling through with my strong base of phonics but now that everyone is listening, i'm afraid to tell them for fear of saying the wrong thing. i have stopped reading books and i think my english is getting worse. is it? i havent touched a book for a few weeks already. so i'm not a "bookworm" anymore. i think it is book reading that make people think i'm good at english.

ah...this is really bad...my sister is telling me to tell you people that she is pestering me. so i better get going soon. for people who i gave good luck to today, please give me back the good luck if you didnt use it. cause i need it tmr. thx!

cold truth vs. white lies

if you were to ask someone a sensitive question, the kind which will hurt you if the person gives you the wrong answer, would you prefer a simple white lie which pleases you or the truth which may hurt you?

for me, i prefer the truth even though it hurts because if i get a white lie all polished and clean and so soft that it wont pierce your heart and hurt you, then i might as well not ask for any comments at all. cause how am i supposed to improve on myself and my work, and...watever...honestly speaking, i prefer criticism from my friends and my audience rather than to much praise cause i would think "how can my work be so good? there's no way it can be perfect. good, yes. but if everyone likes it, i dont believe it. on the other hand, i'm not able to stand any form of criticism from my parents. i think it's because my mom once told me that my psle aggregates are very low, so low that i thought i could never get anywhere with those kind of marks. i really cried like shit that day and my mom was like rubbing it in and it sucks. you know wat's worse? i found out almost a yr later that my results were actually not bad. i got 231...

but i dont mind getting a praise or two from you guys... :D

any idea why i am suddenly talking about this? well, i was on the bus going home, and i was thinking about how nobody comments and how nobody tells me how i sould improve on this blog. i know most people who are blogging have this i-don't- give-a-damn-how-and-what-people-think-of-me attitude but i really want you people to like going to my blog. so comment on it k?

today i was talking to lance on the phone when he suddenly asked "do you feel the care i give to you all the time?" and i gave my honest answer which is: sometimes. er...let's just say he didnt take it very well. he was kinda hurt. cos he cares for me 24/7. and to him, "sometimes" means like 0%-20%. so there you go. but to me, "sometimes" mean 80% and above. and the damage is done and so, i better let him cool down...

i was thinking...wat if i had given a different answer? wat if i had said "oh! of course!" in a false, high, bimbo-ish voice? maybe he would be really happy and all would end well. i probably would be typing as fast as i can so that i can go call and talk to him happily later all the way until i sleep. and worse of all, i would go to sleep knowing that i had lied to him. sure, it's a white lie, but it's a lie. i'm not actually supposed to be here now. but cos i like blogging, i do it behind his back, and i feels rotten. oh, i know he cares for me all right. he made me a necklace, bought me cds which i really like, and basically, got me anything i want. but there are sometimes when he's angry, when i feel that he doesnt feel anything for me. blehx...i hope none of you are laughing...

so, today, SOMEbody just advertised my blog to the whole class and because of the name, everyone got interested. and this leads to a momentary shoot up in the viewers. but i think they'll probably get bored...yea...hahax...bye

good blog, bad blog

wat makes the difference between a good blog and a bad blog? to me, i think it's when you talk all about your day, it's good and fine. cause all your friends who read it will know how you think, wat you feel about your life, wat pisses you off, wat pleases you, wat you like and wat you dislike. everything you say will reflect on all of that. that is if you wish all of your viewers to be limited to those you know in your real life. now, wat if you want to attract those you DONT know in your real life?

i may not have lots of experience in blogging, but i sure have lots of experience in reading them and labelling which ones make me feel like i want to read them. if i were to read a stranger's blog which talks about nothing but his/herself, and wat they did during that day. PLUS all of it takes up and large space. it's very much like mine. and i think it sucks. cos any stranger who reads it would find it nice for a while, but after that, they would think:why should i be reading about someone elses life who i dont even know? so, the blogs i like best are when the posts are witty, general, and affects everyone who reads it. probably something that makes you think for the day. and best of all, short.

i would never be able to do that. i had this blog in the first place is because i just wanted somewhere to vent my frustrations and anger on when i get too pissed off with my life, parents, etc... sure, i know my first post is very good. but i think it is probably because i had too much inspiration in my brain or sth. i was practically bursting. so i created the blog, and let my thoughts splash out onto the com screen. yepz...

you know wat i just found out? i found out that having a blog is like having a magazine in which you need to publish something everyday. something like the daily paper. and you have to research photos to match your topic of the day and stuff. yes, i actually do that. i really put alot of pride in my work and can do a good job of it too, if i really want to. lalala...so can you please please please tell me wat you think about it? i want to know if it's too flowery, too long, too short, too anything.

and i met lance today!! yea. it was fun. and i showed him the customised noticeboard cheryl and weiying gave to me for my belated b-day present. i'm soo touched. cause they bought the notice board, then spray-painted it and put on my name and two cats. they look just like mao er! soo cute. that was really sweet of them and when i told lance, he was like: you ate it?! and i went laughing immediately...hahax. yea. got scolded about my lousy work for literature today. just because i spelt 'beginning' wrongly doesnt mean i suck at english. that accident happened because i was rushing thru the work and didnt notice it. but the teacher is really pitiful...because i know i have not really passed up lots of my work. so yea...i'm really lazy before the holidays. but it's gonna change.

btw, i met lance last friday as well and i gave him some of the jelly. he said it was nice. yipee!! the picture of the wolf at the top is really nice right? i think wolves are really cool. not that i'm into gothic styles or anything, but i think it's really cool. i like it. but i know my face cant really carry it off. soo...too bad. gotta go...bye

today's post

today, nothing much happened...i just hang around the house, eating, and talk on the phone with lance. i'm able to do that cos my parents arent here. besides, my 40min limit is up. so here are a few photos of cheetahs for you. i like cheetahs. i think they are really awesome animals. and really beautiful...*sigh*

the babies are sooo cute!!

sorry about the messy photos...i havent got the hang of moving them about yet...*sheepish grin* bye

faceless no longer

august 12

lance is definitely getting a job now. he is going to work as a security guard. not much, but it's a start so i encourage him alot. i managed to accompany him on the phone most of the time. he was on the night shift. 8pm-8am. i managed to talk to him from 8-10+ and in the morning, 7-8. so it's good. though his fren didnt like it. i think his fren expected him to talk to him the whole time and just BE there. both physically and mentally.

i completed my maths tuition homework and even did some extra. the teacher didnt praise me or anything, but i could tell she is quite pleased. even tough i did those easy questions. she did raise her voice at me at the end though, cos i didnt really understand one question and we went through those kind of questions a few times already.

i have decided not to be faceless to some of you. so i'm going to past a picture of myself. here goes...
what are you laughing at? this is a picture of myself all right. i had my retainers on at that time so it's kinda weird looking. but it is definitely my sparkling, shiney teeth. *smile*

happy birthday to sp...may she grow taller in the near future.

august 11

actually, i like her usual short self. dont be offended sp, dont cry...hahax. anyway, the jelly wasnt that well received. i think it's to hard. and no one really finished it. there can only be 3 reasons. 1, it's not nice. 2, they are too worried about the kind of results they would get for chinese o levels(i got B3 for the papers and merit for my oral). 3, the novelty of having jelly in class wore of. take a pick.

when i found out that i had B3 for my chinese, i was kinda disappointed. i was aiming for an A1, cos i was hoping to use it in case i didnt do very well for my other maths and sciences. so i'm retaking it. lots of girls who i considered emotionally strong girls cried. i was so shocked, i couldnt help staring. but i had to stop. for one thing, it is rude and i feel like crying whenever i see someone else cry. i feel really sorry for them. i mean, i got exactly the same marks as them. B3 and merit. but to see them cry like this, it really breaks my heart. cos they are my friends you know, and i sort of want them to be happy.

and i also found out that i had to control myself when it comes to internet acess and computer using. from today on, i will use onli 40min a day.yes. cos if not, i'll have to stop using the com for a few days at the end of the week and that sucks. i KNOW you guys will miss me. and mao er too. hahax...

ps:sp's b-day is on 13 of august. but i consider it as 11 of august this yr because it is a school day!

The phantom of the opera(lip syching)

hahax...this is really corny. the guy's looks so funny, esp when he is lip syching the words...

The Phantom of the Opera

erm...i think this is the old video of phantom of the opera cos i remember watching it with my parents on the big black discs as a little child of 5

compensation, compensation, this is the game of compensation

since i havent been here for SUCH a long time, i have 3 posts for you! one for each day. so enjoy!

who's that pretty girl in the mirror there?

August 10

today i watched "anger management" and there was this part where the lead role had to sing the female part of "i'm so pretty" from the musical. that song is so high and that guy sang it so well. i'm impressed. and there was this orchestra in the background and it's just so cool! i'll try to find the video for you people. i tried looking for the musical itself but it wasnt there. oh well.

so that's about it i guess. and i made jelly for seowpeng's b-day today. not so sure how it would be received. cos it's not as nice as the one i made for jiahwee. my sisters told me it was harder than usual and so, i was knda worried. didnt know how it'll be received by them the next day.

when my mom came back that day, she was very made about the mess my sisters made of her room. she wasnt that pleased when she found out that my little sis cut the phone wire. but i kept singing that song which went:i feel pretty, oh so pretty, i feel pretty and witty and gay! and i pity any girl who isnt me today. which is how i felt cos i talked to lance on the phone today and we were joking around alot. but my mom became...erm...jealous? i think? and i changed the lyrics to:i feel shitty, oh so shitty, i feel shitty and uriney and crappy! and i envy, anyone who isnt me today. but the melody was so chirpy and bright, my mom didnt like it as well. so i stopped singing loudly like an opera singer and sang softly to myself. my mom cried that day as well. but it's nothing much. just the usual rounds, you know, of stress. she was laughing her maniacal laughter and when my sister asked me "what is she doing?" i told her "laughing maniacly and she's going to cry" and sure enough, she did! but it's because of the huge mess we made.

the sight of mess just stresses my mom out. oh well...

lalala...

bass slap +tapping

really cool, at first i though he was making those drum set sounds on his guitar, and in the end, found out that it WAS a drumset. lol... :D

our global city, our home

logo for this year's national day parade
happy birthday singapore! to day is one of those days when you feel so patriotic. even though i didnt wear red today, i still feel patriotic. esp when my parents were critiscising about how singaporean youngsters speak nowadays. we speak "singlish" and my parents dont like it. i mean, without our own special language and accent, how on earth are we suppose to forge an identity? so. to celebrate today, i'm going to blog in red!

lalala...there's nth much to say about today...except my parents made me cry again today. when i didnt want to go out to the temple today, my mom was all "oh, you want to use the phone?" when in truth, i only want to laze at home and edit some videos. ah...i dont care. anyway, i found out that my dad didnt read my blog or anything. he just heard from my teachers about the essays i write...yea.

so anyway, i was watching the national day parade live today and when the national anthem started playing, i was suddenly thinking "wat if some people are like picking on their noses or lying aplayed out on the bed when the national anthem is playing? even the cabinet ministers are standing up and here we are, at home lying down, lazing around and stuff." i, for one, am guilty of sitting on the bed comfortably when the national anthem is playing. so...yea. and singapore has 3 million people. there are definitely some people who are picking on their noses when it is playing and probably doing something i dont want to think about. yea. so halfway thru, i came online to talk to my cuz.

and i saw this jin jun with a lame nick. it says: let's welcome our cabinet ministers, followed by our wardrobe ministers and cupboard ministers. so lame right? that had me in stitches for quite awhile. er...actually it didnt. i juz smiled, which is actually a big thing as i dont feel that much when i am online. yea...

so not much...i've got two videos for you today. one is the theme song music video this yr and the other is like a summary of the whole thing. i owe so much to youtube! i also managed to find the phantom of the opera things. yea...so gotta go. i havent got much to write actually. yea. bye.

SINGAPORE NATIONAL DAY 2006

a glimpse of our national day parade.

My Island Home - Kaira Gong - Singapore 2006 NDP Theme

the theme song music video for this year's national day.

Life in Singapore

really lame video...i like the music though. very well-played... :)

bad day turned good

today started out badly, because my parents had just received the phone bill and because they applied for setailed billing, found out that i had been calling lance for more than 5 times in 10 minutes. after recalling by checking my blog, and through memory of course, i realised that we were fighting that day and he offed his handphone. so i was left to call his house every few minutes in hope that he would pick it up. coincidentially, my parents chose that particular day to apply the detailed billing so that they can see when i call, who i call, and how long i call.

my mom went bananas when she saw that i had been using the phone every few minutes. she called me "cheap" and told me that his family "looked down on me". when my dad asked me to tell him honestly whether i called those numbers, i told him that even if i didnt tell him, he would still know the number as he is recording it. he has been telling me that he is recording the phone more than 3 times. so he shouted and called me cheap too. encouraged by my dad's outrage, my mom chose this time to call me a "part time pros" my dad started saying that at his family, everyone looks down on me. that thinking, by the way, is the result of his parents complaining about lance hanging on the phone. his parents just passed a comment and my parents read so deep into it. i felt completely hurt. i cried myself to sleep that night.

after my dad scolded me that night, he kept telling me "if you need any help, you can always go to me." and he also said "from how you act, how you talk, how you write(write? i wondered if he read my blog...) i can see that u hate me. but i want you to know that i will help you if you need anything." it's not that i hate him. it's just that he sometimes pisses me off. at that point of time, i felt like telling him "what is said, is said. the damage cannot be undone. so leave me alone" cause he and my mom was cornering me in my room when my sisters were brushing my teeth. i hate it when they do that. my mom didnt do anything this morning. she just woke me up as usual. it was like nothing happened. she also said that she feels disgraced to have a daughter like me. i can only say one thing. i. dont. care. anymore.

i felt much better after crying to lance on the phone after school. then to make me feel better, he was like joking around, trying to make me laugh again. i used to have a handphone, as many of you know. but it was taken away less than one year later because i was using it too much. after being used to using it 24/7, it was really hard to not be able to communicate with lance when it was taken away. but i got on fine. so i started using the phone. honestly telling all of you, what you see is better than last time. now when i get home, i sometimes talk to him on the phone before doing my homework, whivh is good, obviously. so, lance was like trying to make me laugh and stuff so i feel much better now.

so, everything sad aside, today is the eve of national day. yipee! (that is the saddest yipee i've ever seen). it was ok, there was this singing competition and there is this little boy(ok, not so little. he is 13 already), he is so CUTE! i can just pinch the life out of him. but his voice is not bad. he has a strong voice. when he came onto the stage, and started singing, all the mature girls just went wild and cheered like anything. me included. i am mature! yay! he has this really kiddy voice, but if he wants to, can sound like a really good woman singer. yepz. and i'm going to find some national day music videos to put them in the blog. so that you can enjoy the music. face the music like a man! you know you need it. hahax. just joking.

i have nth to say already...btw, do you like this blog? cos i'm not sure if i shd stop blogging. lance doesnt want me to come online and i should at least tone down or sth. if you dont want that can you tell me or sth? not that lance doesnt give me freedom or anything, just that he doesnt want me to get into trouble or anything. yea. so pls tell me sth, anything. bye

hey people

the twisty curly thing somewhere in my pix of my necklace is my signature. then i juz received an e-mail from my cuzin (the one from ireland) he received the parcel from me already. yipee! that way i can send b-day present for him liao. lalala...the simple plan thing funny right? ok. i admit. it's not funny. i juz want to put it there for the sake of putting it there. but the part where they keep pushing around is funny. that is the onli part which is funny.

i'm going to source around for my favourite opera...*drum roll* PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! yipee...k...i'm going to search for it now. gotta go.

P.S.- whoever has this cd of edward scissorhands or knows where to download this movie, can you please tell me? cos i really want to watch that movie. tell me thru the tagbox. and those hu haf read my blog, can you please tag me? i want to know wat you think of my writing. thx.

this is amber, signing off *beep*

Simple Plan Bungy jump

go the 50sec, where the guys actually try their best to jump last. this is so weird. it helps if you atr a simlpe plan fan. WOOOOO!!!!

above, are some photos of the necklace lance gave me. courtesy of jeremy. i nearly made him vomit blood by asking him so many questions all at once. hahax. well...

nothing much happened today, except i saw a few eurasion kids today, two boys and one girl. the girl had the most beautiful hair colour. it's a sort of reddish brown. like this...but the boys had dark brown hair. she looks the most eurasion of the lot with her brown hair and fair complexion. i thought black is a dominant gene...hmmm...but then, hair colour is a result of excess elements such as titanium for blond...and that is the onli one i remember. yepz...as for me, i'll never be able to carry off a hair colour like light brown, because of my dark skin. but i can always try dark brown by bleaching my hair, anyway, i'll probably be too lazy to dye it.

that is all for today, i think the the previous posts are too long so they sap up my inspiration. k. byebye

btw

by the way, for those who didnt already know, my real name is shuhao but i call myself amber cause...i like that name? and if you dont want to wait for the buffer, it's much faster at youtube. here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn2J_RDhnTU

k. i'm really going now. bye

Amber Pacific

this is my favourite song...

sunday, bloody sunday

today i was pissed off by my dad three times. first time was in the morning when he was fetching me to tuition. then, was when we came back from visiting my maternal grandfather(it means my mom's dad) in ang mo kio hospital. he was asking me if i need timing to call lance. yes, i did call lance at the hospital. but he shouldnt keep asking. it pisses me off. when i dont answer his question, it means that i'm in no mood to talk. but he kept asking. so in the end i had to use my "pissed off voice" on him. i really dont want to use it but anyway, it had no effect. i was spared only when i got off the car. then, during dinner, i was watching a few recordings from tv and my dad suddenly barged in and asked me to off the tv and get out of the room. i kept quiet and do as i was told. i'm juz too tired to say or do anything.

i'm going to remember today as a day of cramps. girls, you know awt i'm talking about, guys, you wouldnt want to know. during tuition it was unbearable even with the panadol extra i took few minutes earlier, then in the later part, i felt better.

today we had to write a compo about how parents protect their children too much. that is true, many parents defend their children when teachers are disciplining the children. they will interfere and go "they didnt do anything wrong" or say "they're just kids". that is just plain wrong. in the past, it is the grandparents who interfere with the parents discipling of the kids. now, in addition to grandparents, we now have parents to do that. you want your children to grow up into "disciplined and responsible adults" then let them take "responsibility" for their actions! dont keep shielding them from the reprimanding of their teachers when your children do something wrong. sure, your kids will love you for it now when you shield them from their teachers by threatening them with complaining to the principal (my classmates know who i'm talking about). but in the long run, your kids are the ones who suffer the most loss. they will not grow up into "disciplined and responsible adults" like you want them to but turn into "amock and wild adults" ok. i'm exagerating abit here but it is possible. bah...i have nth to say about it.

there is this video in the previous post. it is done by this band amber pacific, check out te lead singer's hairstyle, it looks just like jordan's, except the lead singer's one is curlier. it may take quite awhile to buffer but please be patient, it is really good. here are the lyrics:

"Gone So Young"

I never dreamt it'd be this way

I've lost any chance for me to say

To say that I miss you, say that I love you

Will someone please tell me I'm okay

I wasn't prepared for what's to come

A life made of memories gone so young

And now I'm regretting all I've done

But in your heart know that I'm with you all along

Wherever you go, I will be waiting

Whenever you call, I will be there

Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright

I'm in your heart tonight

I never thought that this could go

And take me away from all I know

And leave me to think I'm on my own

But your love will take me, you were the one.....

Who sat through nights

You held me tight

And made sure I'm okay

And I thank you for the love you gave to me

Wherever you go, I will be waiting

Whenever you call, I will be there

Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright

I'm in your heart tonight...

Tonight...

Wherever you go, I will be waiting

Whenever you call, I will be there

Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright

Wherever you go, I will be waiting

Whenever you call, I will be there

Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright

And if I should fall, I know you're waiting

And if I should call, I know you're there

If ever you cry just know I'm in your heart tonight...

I'm in your heart tonight.

so there. this is all for today. actually, i think it's too much. are you all bored yet? i asked jeremy to help me to take some photos of the necklace and send it to me. i received it but i'm unable to upload it. oh well, i'll try tomorrow. byebye.

finally...

FINALLY i'm able to use the com. let me explain. this is rather complicated. hmm...u see, my mom has installed this program in the com which tracks how long i use my com. so i onli have 4 hours a week. so this week i had over-used my time cos my cuzin from ireland has been online and i spent quite alot of time talking to him as well as blogging. so i over-used the time.

anyway, to put u up to date, lance made me a necklace for my birthday!! i was so touched by that...he gave it to me on 2nd august which wasnt too bad...when he gave me the necklace, i was so quiet that he thought i didnt like it. but actually i was so touched that he actually made a necklace, i was afraid that if i open my mouth, i would start crying. in the end, i told him "if you care for me, why dont you tell me instead of letting me guess all the time? i thought you totally forgot about my birthday..." then i cried. yea yea...ok, i'm a crybaby and am easily touched. i admit. but how many guys would actually make a necklace for their girlfriends? sure, he had the penndant and chain to start with, but he used pliers to open the wire and then close it back. see? that shows how much work was put into it. when he told me "i made a necklace for you", the first thing that came into my mind was string and beads. but this was much more. this involves strength.

then, on friday, i made a HUGE bowl of jelly for jia hwee and cheryl. one each. i sort of anticipated that they both need big bowls of it as many of our classmates will come swarming over to take a bite. as it turns out, they did. good thing i brought extra spoons too. i was so scared that they would go "eeewww" or something cos to me, it looks horrible. i take pride in my cooking. everything has to look good, taste good and easy to eat. when i made the jelly, i was adding sugar again and again because i didnt have a weighing scale and had to roughly estimate how much sugar is needed by taste. i kept adding and adding until the bag of sugar was almost gone.(the bag had less than half left to start with. so those who ate it, dont worry about the sugar content. it wasnt THAT much) then i stopped adding as i still have to make another bowl fof jelly for seowpeng the next friday. everyone really enjoyed the jelly. i was sooo happy! at home, there was no one else to comment on my food other than my sisters. so it was really great to hear from others.

this morning i had a spat with my mom, cause i was really pissed off that i couldnt even watch a cd in peace. meiyi just lent me the cd on friday. it is the story of merlin. quite a few years ago i saw it, but wasnt able to finish watching it due to time constraints. so this time i was determined as well as extremely eager to watch it once and for all to find out wat really hapened in the movie. first, i watched it upstairs, where my father is, but he was doing something so he sort of asked me to buzz off. then i went downstairs to watch, but my sister was doing her work and was very distracted by the tv(she even stopped eating her cake). so my mom asked me to stop watching. i was pretty angry my then, so i asked if i could go on to the internet to use the com, but she has not extended my time yet. so i was like "how come you have not extended it yet? i told you on thursday right? all the way up till now you have not even touched it." then she burst out on me too she was all "who does the things around here huh? all you know is to eat drink and play! you live like pigs!".

hey. i am hurt. i DO do my work and tidy up my table once in a while and if things get to messy, i will tidy it up. and i do my homework now, which is a really good improvement to me. i cant believe she didnt see that. it's as if i dont exist to her anymore. true, i may not really be that close to them, for all they know, they may just be adults who i call mommy and daddy out of habit, but i live with them and it's really hard living with someone who thinks that you are someone from the bottom of the rubbish pile. once, they even told me that maybe they picked the wrong baby during their stay at the hospital. maybe i really wasnt their child at all. i sometimes wish that they are not my parents, but i dont say it out loud do i?

ah well. sooner or later it will all blow off and it will be many of the small quarrels we have had. yepz. as for me and lance, obviously, and practically everything outside home is perfect. my class, my school(i love the way i get free time in between classes), and my social life. balance, balance, balance. lalala. i have nothing more to say really, except that my cuzin from ireland has a fat-ass ego. look at what he wrote in the tag box. yes, he is my twin fromNI. as wat he said was true. but he doesnt have to go "arent you all lucky, you ca, mail me..." spare me from your ego, jordan, it's damn big!! hahax. ok, gotta go, bye.

happy birthday to me

hi everyone! today is my birthday! to celebrate, i'm going to sing all of you a song...juz jk. i got lots of presents today. thankyou seowpeng for the pandan flavoured pizza, meiyi for the earrings, huizhi and elvis for the chocalates, seowpeng(again), jiehui and jia hwee for the cards and my little sister for the decorative tape. here are my presents:

chocolates from elvis and hui zhi decorative tape(behind) and earrings(the flower shaped ones)

today was very special. langston was funny...he said "happy birthday shuhao!" 3 times. once in chemistry lab, once in physics lab and once in the canteen. ya. then seowpeng was explaining to me about the pizza and why it looks so bad. dont worry seow peng, it tastes ok. really. you cant stop your mom from using the tomato paste to fry prawns and the cheese from freezing. i most of it and still feel fine. and your card is really nice. then i received an e-mail from my aunt in ireland. it read: to someone very special i hope you have had a wonderful birthday. lots and lots of love aunty carol xoxoxox

so sweet right? then when i came back, i watched some tv then went to sleep. sure, i wasted the whole afternoon away, but i feel great and that's wat counts. i've been really lucky in school these two weeks. last week i forgot to bring my social studies textbook, but by some bazzar stroke of luck, managed to escape the wrath of mdm sue. this week i forgot to bring my social studies textbook again. then today she let us watch a part of this movie called "in the name of the father". as a result we didnt use the textbook. the movie wasnt that bad, from wat i can see. the beginning was really good. there was this contrast. after a few man walked into a restaurant, the restaurant exploded. then there was this gothic sounding music. at least to me, then a man started saying "*blank blank* in the name of the father" i didnt quite catch wat he said before that. that was a contrast. the movie was about the protestant-catholic conflict in northern ireland, where my cuzin is living. so it's really fun, cos i get to know how it is over there now. my aunt said it has settled down alot and only ocassionally, someone will start a riot. but they call those people "thick-headed" meaning stupid, for those who didnt already know. just saying all these fyi.

so all in all, non-social life wise, everything went perfectly well. btw, i did not celebrate with lance. so stop asking. it really hurts. i'm 16 already. i should probably stop dreaming and expecting so much out of my relationship and let it run it's course by itself. lance already knows i have this blog. but i'm not sure if he come here yet. so yea...can i ask all of you a favour? at least all of you in my class who are reading this. can you stop asking me about lance and stuff? cos i sometimes really dont want to talk about it. thx.

alright. that is all for today. i also received lots of photos from around the world and will upload them some day. so thx for everything evryone. btw, jordan, i'll send the parcel tmr. k. bye