Tuesday, August 15, 2006

cold truth vs. white lies

if you were to ask someone a sensitive question, the kind which will hurt you if the person gives you the wrong answer, would you prefer a simple white lie which pleases you or the truth which may hurt you?

for me, i prefer the truth even though it hurts because if i get a white lie all polished and clean and so soft that it wont pierce your heart and hurt you, then i might as well not ask for any comments at all. cause how am i supposed to improve on myself and my work, and...watever...honestly speaking, i prefer criticism from my friends and my audience rather than to much praise cause i would think "how can my work be so good? there's no way it can be perfect. good, yes. but if everyone likes it, i dont believe it. on the other hand, i'm not able to stand any form of criticism from my parents. i think it's because my mom once told me that my psle aggregates are very low, so low that i thought i could never get anywhere with those kind of marks. i really cried like shit that day and my mom was like rubbing it in and it sucks. you know wat's worse? i found out almost a yr later that my results were actually not bad. i got 231...

but i dont mind getting a praise or two from you guys... :D

any idea why i am suddenly talking about this? well, i was on the bus going home, and i was thinking about how nobody comments and how nobody tells me how i sould improve on this blog. i know most people who are blogging have this i-don't- give-a-damn-how-and-what-people-think-of-me attitude but i really want you people to like going to my blog. so comment on it k?

today i was talking to lance on the phone when he suddenly asked "do you feel the care i give to you all the time?" and i gave my honest answer which is: sometimes. er...let's just say he didnt take it very well. he was kinda hurt. cos he cares for me 24/7. and to him, "sometimes" means like 0%-20%. so there you go. but to me, "sometimes" mean 80% and above. and the damage is done and so, i better let him cool down...

i was thinking...wat if i had given a different answer? wat if i had said "oh! of course!" in a false, high, bimbo-ish voice? maybe he would be really happy and all would end well. i probably would be typing as fast as i can so that i can go call and talk to him happily later all the way until i sleep. and worse of all, i would go to sleep knowing that i had lied to him. sure, it's a white lie, but it's a lie. i'm not actually supposed to be here now. but cos i like blogging, i do it behind his back, and i feels rotten. oh, i know he cares for me all right. he made me a necklace, bought me cds which i really like, and basically, got me anything i want. but there are sometimes when he's angry, when i feel that he doesnt feel anything for me. blehx...i hope none of you are laughing...

so, today, SOMEbody just advertised my blog to the whole class and because of the name, everyone got interested. and this leads to a momentary shoot up in the viewers. but i think they'll probably get bored...yea...hahax...bye

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