Sunday, October 08, 2006


i know i havent been posting much, i am so sorry. me and my mom had a big argument when i used the phone in spite of her cutting off the phone lines from the first floor. wait. did i write that? i have no idea. doesnt matter. just let me refresh your memory then. then when she saw me, she pulled me out and started hitting me but i was cushioned by my bulky uniform. so there wasnt any harm done :).

she cut off my internet access, stopped giving me pocket money and declared that from that moment on, she only had two daughters. on friday, she did give me pocket money because i have my mock exams and i had to stay back. even then, she said stuff like "you owe me an apology and i want it!" and "i want you to know that no one else will give you money if i dont." nuh uh. not true. my grand ma (paternal one. my mother's mother went to my aunt's house to stay because she didnt want my maternal grandma to stay here without much care yet as the maid is busy.) has been giving me money. i mean it's not much in total, it was just $5 but it meant the world to me. cos it shows that she cares. but dad gave me $4 the first day and then he started bragging about it. so i didnt take from him the next day. bragging as in he would say things like "i give youmoney and you dare do this" you know, the like.

anyway, the past week has been really really bad. i feel like the world is crashing down on me and more than half of that week, i feel unloved, unappreciated, uncared for, and unwanted. i just want to curl up and die. but i had just invented a way to relieve stress. i learnt it from the movie "lilo and stitch" you stuff you face into a pillow, expand your diaphragm, and SCREAM! i did that twice and then i felt much better. i sound like a psycho. but it works. now i feel better though. like more of contentment than anything else. and i found out that i need this blog. real NEED. cos if not, i wont have a channel for my frustrations to go to. and i will basically exploded in a magnificent way one day and either cause someone's death or die myself.

in "anger management", this therapist said that there are two kinds of angry people. one is the inplosive anger, and the other is the explosive anger. explosive anger is when you see a woman shouting at the cashier for giving her the wrong change. inplosive anger is more serious. it is when the cashier starts to wield a gun and start shooting at everyone. from that, i found out that i am an inplosive person. i thought i had a really good nature and an easy temper but truth is, when things get too difficult, i would just blow up. like a nuclear bomb and that is not pretty. just ask my poor sisters who have been witnessing the most of it.

ok well, today i am using my little sister's account and i shouldnt use up too much of her time. so goodbye and thankyou for reading my troubles which are in truth, rubbish to anyone and everyone else who dont know me in person or those who havent heard about me.

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