chocolates..

right now eating choclates as i am posting this. just dont feel like going to s'pore so suddenly. will miss everything and everyone. was feeling really sad today, and feelings wise, it's really confusing.

i was just feeling a little down about having to leave and not looking forward to the flight to london, then the walk to the nxt airport and the flight to s'pore. was struggling with tears all day. then got my green card, got decent comments from my teachers. felt good about it. and then felt down again...

cried, ryan cheered me up, then when i got home felt down again. talked to natalie, she symphatises. and ate choclate. tears dry up.

jsut couldnt understand why i tried so hard to settle down when i came. it was rather hard for me to actually settle down. but now, i have settled down so much so that it kinda hurts when i am ripped away from it. i still feel a little vulnerable when it comes to public transport cos i have no idea how it works. but still...

or maybe it's just the growing apprehension of hoping i wouldnt puke on the plane. and that going to see my sisters, friends, bonding, and then ripped away again is just not cool. going to cry like mad for the 1st day and the last day of this trip.

sure, i can get to take photos and have loads of food that i missed. but then i'm still rather stressed about the mountain of school work waiting for me when i get back. stress is hitting me already *faint*. alright. i'll just let things be. and so, photos, food, and fun i hope. plus a few surprise trips to band with sp! (sp are u reading this?!) and cheryl. and shopping, i hope.

so now let me see the things to do for the whole trip:
-call sp! and cheryl!
-visit the band
-buy the things i want
-go to the places i used to go with yinghao and baby(prob over the course of a few days)
-cook soup for grandparents
-eat the food i used to eat(take photos of food!)
-watch movies with yinghao and baby
-go out with sp and cheryl
-possibly meet up with classmates for old times sake
-stay at home for old times sake too
-talk to grandparents(for memories)
-pay respects to my grandfather and my babysitter
-visit cousins(mom's side possibly)
-have to see my aunts
-visit chenqi lao shi
-develop photos in my camera
-take lots of photos
-eat in sakura!!
-try not to grow fat

not too bad...i think two weeks will cover it. it's more than enough, hope i will be able to go out with yinghao and baby and maybe even sirong or any cousin who wants to come along for at least 3 days. and go out with friends and classmates for at lesat 3 days too. (okok, 3 times) visiting of chen qi lao shi will be about twice at most. and i wouldnt go on...no one is interested anyway...

ok, so...really nervous about going back there are some problems in my family which seem to happen after i have stayed here. my aunts on my dad's side might be gossiping about me already. yes, i DO know that a few of u dont like me. the way u look at me, the way u talk to me, i can tell. dont even bother denying. talk about me all u like, but i know i'm not what u think i am. so screw u.

as for lance, i have decided to not even bother contacting him at all. dont want to risk anything. i am perfectly happy right here where i am and i dont want to ruin it. where am i going to be without the P3s?? and not to mention my friends too :P

i am soooo sorry for this wordy post but i just cant help it, i have to rant and rave, feeling better already but now have a headache from all the crying...darn...er...yinghao if u are reading this dont tell mommy. and audrey jiejie if u are reading this pls dont tell anyone pls pls...(i mean the "screw u" part) well aware of myself being a coward. ah well..dont want to get into trouble even before i step foot into s'pore do i? *shivers* it's cold.

hmm...i think i'm done for now here. sp! here is the pic that the little girl draw for me!!