thinking post.

i'm so bored so i decided to write something intellectual.

have u ever wondered how amazingly quickly ur resolve melts away in certain circumstances? one time u will be like "i'll never do it again!" and then in the nxt few months, weeks, or even days u'll be doing JUST the thing u have resolved not to do. i find it rather amazing. though i'm quite happy with my new, and improved, work-orientated self, i just cant seem to keep a few things in line.

it irritates me and makes me feel awful...it's probably that kind of feeling u feel when u tell yourself u are never going to be good enough. or even worse, SOMEONE else tells u u are never going to be good enough. for this, for that, for anything. whatever it is, end result is the same. not good.

this feeling of dissatisfaction has GOT to go. i am going to aim to keep everything i have given for myself to be realistic and to KEEP it. yepz yepz.

at least i am completing most of my work on time. and that is more than what i can say for myself last yr. :P enjoying lessons. lagging a little behind in computing. but still ok. passed my 1st test. it was a little above 50% but i'm still rather proud of it considering i came into the class with NOTHING and everyone came in with something in mind. so good good...maybe i shd copy and paste some quizzes here and do them that might pass the time....hmm....on the other hand, i think not. cant be assed. rather spend the whole time playing games.

yes yes, it's a toilet but it's MY toilet....i just thought of a topic to touch on. people in singapore are getting far too pampered for their own good. discuss..

well then, let me tell u something. as much as 'ang mo's so to speak seem to have alot of time, they DO do their own housework. yepz yepz. so i am doing housework here too. changing bedsheets, washing dishes, ironing, hoovering my room. etc etc etc. then i start to wonder. people in s'pore mostly dont do housework, they have maids. so wat will happen when those who have maids go to university? *thinks*

then now it comes to another topic. is paying someone money to give u a few years of their life to do housework, look after your kids, and basically anything you want right? if the money is an obscene lot, maybe i would. but then again, it IS a few years of life. about 3? and how about filipinos who work their whole life for their employers? i honestly have no idea how they work. is it they work and work until the employer is happy? i dont know. but i still think it's rather horrendous tp leave your family and all for 3 yrs. no contact, no letters. and if u have a family of your own, tough. cant do anything about it.

just thought of something else. have u ever said something and went "darn! i shouldnt have said that!" (words to that effect) annoying isnt it. esp when u think that the other party might be annoyed. and u will be left hanging wondering if u would be able to recover the lost casual, and friendly relationship u had. damn! this is rather deep...my mind doesnt hurt. cos what will be, will be. *sings* que sarah, sarah, whatever will be will be, the future's not our's to see. que sarah sarah....

listening to american pie. it's a great song. yes, it's old. but it's catchy and i like it. it's like all genres music in it. absolutely brilliant. get high on it too. listening to it again, and again, and again. *sings* did u write the book of love and do u have faith in the god above? that is if the bible tells u so. do u believe in rock and roll, and that music saves the mortal soul?

now...wat else do i have to say. i'm very well aware i am having a severe case of verbal diahrroea and that this is probably rubbish to you all out there but i'm so bored. i'm sooooo sorry for giving u such a rubbish post. this has got to be the worse rant ever. ahhh...let's use my literature skills to analyse something. "i like people-they help me forget the past, live in the present, and look to the future" let's look at it.

right. now y would one want to forget the past. perhaps there might be alot of pain? or even because one is plain ashamed of one's past. there might be things that are hidden which are dark, sinister and maybe even evil. it shows a desire to escape from all the pain, shame, etc of one's past. there is a kind of desperation. and y would one need "help" to forget the past? this conveys a sense of helplessness and hopelessness that one cannot help but feel.

"live in the present" this conveys a sense of wanting to cherish what you have now. or is it? perhaps that thought might sprout from not wanting to know about what the future holds. might even be dread there. about not wanting to move either into the past or into the future. to stay in the comfortable present. we can even stretch it as far as to say that the person who said it feels an inertia in life, a tiredness. maybe even a huge sense of insecurity deep inside so much so that one does not want to move.

"look to the future" now this phrase speaks of a cautious desire and curiousity to know waht the future hold. perhaps so that one might be able to be well prepared for the future and brace for the impact. then again, that might show that one is looking forward into the future as one is already sure that the future holds good things for him/her. this is all a matter of opinion really.

but overall, the person who said it might be insecure, hurt, perhaps even scarred by everything that has happened in the past. and now, needs people as a distraction from the distruptive in his/her head. on the other hand, one might be ready, even willing to clean the past away, but have no idea how to do so. the sense of floating around, of being lost is probably buried deep in the person's heart. not good not good. the person might be willing to start over on a bew slate but meeds help, and cant find a willing friend to help.

sad isnt it? ah...i have jsut typed an essay! in like 10min! lol! it's not really an essay. just a very short passage. if u have got here, i really congratulate u. this is me ranting of sorts but i really hope this has given you something to ponder over for the rest of the day. that is, if u want something to ponder over. i do. just want to type things out as my thoughts run wild. cant believe u have spent half an hour of thinking with me. congratulations, and celebrations.