Merry Christmas!

Okay so this has been really late and I know I neglect my blog. (that's an understatement) But anyhow, things are looking up for me and I'm really glad there's someone I can rely on to talk to now. Even though he does lurk in the cyber space and is on the other side of this great globe we call Earth.

Bought hair straighteners the other day, for S$160 even though my head says no. But the sales person was all "You need this for your hair! It'll be the best thing you can do for your hair! All the hair cream you put in your hair? It's cooking your hair everytime you go out into the sun." And so, me and my friend broke under the pressure.

All I wanted to do was grab her brochure and read it. I realised now that I didn't even get to see the brochure :( Went onto the internets and realised the reviews there weren't too great. Oh dear.

Tried the hair straighteners and for now, they're great :) I'm gonna take great care of them.

I rock this hairstyle. I should do this everyday ><

Also, I got what I wanted for Christmas. See, back in NI I've been having a flowering seasonal plant nearly all the time and I really miss seeing flowers bloom in my room. So I requested for my sister to get me a miniature plant. An orchid, preferrably. (I practically chanted "Miniature orchid! Christmas! Taka!" into her ear. I'm super subtle. Just ask my friends.)

Aren't they beautiful? I love them.

See how wonderful it is? I tidied up my table and dresser recently and I love it! It makes me feel to much happier to be able to sit at my table. :) Well not that I do that much anyway but it's nice to be able to. Teehee.

Oh! Did my nails with nail art for the first time. I must say, it's pretty good. It's also helpful if I'm patient enough to sit still and not poke at my nails every 30 seconds once I put the nail polish on.

I'm liking this new girly me. Maybe I should make it a habit to straighten my hair and do my nails regularly.

Oh yes! After a period of deep thinking (and my mom's constant complains about me being fat), I've decided to jog at least one round around my neighbourhood (which takes 2-4min) everyday and do a minute's worth of sit ups (currently about 30 sit ups) every night. So yes, hopefully, I shall slim down.

Met my friend the other day and she said that I've put on weight since she last saw me. Funny how everyone sees it but me. The weighing scales say the same thing though, I can't imagine how I can look fatter to everyone but still weigh the same. But anyway, I had my moment of glory when she went to buy bras..and realised the smallest size is too small for her (well I told her that anyway and it's true). Then, I went on to say how I'm a B/C now. And she's like "I'm a B too!! .....Sometimes." Ahahaha! So what if I'm not stick thin! At least I have boobs! ....I'm such a pervert.

So yes, in short, that's what you missed with me so far. And I shall try to blog more frequently. It's just hard cos now I'm doing Project 365 on Facebook, which means I upload a photo everydya and I just blog there. Like talk about my day. So by the time I get round to blogging I'm fresh out of ideas. ><

Sad and worried

I'm feeling kinda down, and very very worried about the Free Hugs Campaign tomorrow. Mom doesn't know. So cousins! SHHHHHHHHHHH!!

But what if no one comes up to hug me? Darn. I'll just suck it up and get on with it. Like AK said, if they don't, they're the one who's wrong in the head. Not me. What's there not to like about hugs right?

Well well...

My body is not co-operating with me, neither is my emotional self. I fell and twisted my ankle in Malaysia. In addition to that, my emotional self is telling me that I should be with Ryan and that I should go go GO! get him.

Uh huh.

I hate it when I'm all issue-y like that. I like it better when I'm free and stuff. So...I shall pray for everything to sort itself out. I mean, I'm so pathetic! I should stop listening to my heart. As much as I want to, I have to stop. Cos my heart is too soft. She gets me into trouble and pain. Fine, I wouldn't have had such an amazing time in NI if I didn't listen to my heart and got together with Ryan. But then again, what if I ignored it? What if...I didn't get together with him? We might've just been friends and been much happier now. I guess. But would I have been happier? That's the question.

Nevermind. There's no sense in dwelling in the past. Now I shall just try to move on the best I can. I did! But he f***ed my mind up. Seriously, it ain't fair. But I shouldn't have been so dumb to think he'd still love me that way. Damn damn damn.

Tis all my fault so it is. I seriously want to cry :(

Damn I wish I would stop being such a crybaby :'(

Totally Miss NI

Found these two things when I was tidying my table today.

And after reading that card and sniffing the perfume I cried.

That card was given to me by Auntie Carol on the day I left. Even now I still cannot read it without crying.

And sniffing the perfume brought be back to school mornings when I would spray myself with it and look forward to school knowing that my special someone will be there with a huge hug waiting for me.

I seriously miss NI and I'm getting more and more depressed. :(

Popeye's on Google!

He's Popeye the sailorman!~ Toot toot!

I'ma Crap Teacher

I am such a crap teacher, but instead of typing out a huge passage, I've decided to upload the video I made instead. It's on Youtube too ^_^

Bacon Buttie

Hello everyone, meet the love of my life. Bacon butties. This amazing sandwich is made with two slices (or three or four or five...) of fried bacon, between two toasted slices of bread generously buttered up and drizzled with ketchup. (has to be Heinz!!)

Bacon buttie, meet everyone.

Aww look, he's all happy to see y'all.

I HAVE BACON!!!

I bought bacon from Cold Storage just now. I'm so happy!! Don't think anyone realises just how much this means to me. I haven't had bacon for more than 5 months.

While carrying the bacon home, it was a pretty emotional moment for me.

Sooo getting a bacon buttie tomorrow.

So...

That experiment of not washing my hair is over by the way >.<

I got a new job at Takashimaya..promoting gifts at B1 Talking Hall. Anyway, it's like two shelves (two very small shelves). And when I saw it I was like "....that's it?" And the boss was like "Yea. We only got this space on Monday." So that explains the urgency in needing people to work.

Anyway it's pretty fun, like I get to walk around and it's one of those places which I absolutely love, cos it's full of cute things like Christmas gifts and stuff. Saw this tiny snowglobe tree decoration. It's so cute and simply exquisite. Really, the detail is amazing. Also lots of really cute towels. I must start my Christmas list and get down to mentally giving presents. Teehee.

Subway!

Well as you can see, I went to have subway today. For the first time in possibly nearly half a year. Good thing I didn't cry. Had meatball marinara with cheese and all the salads in it. (I asked for all the salads except onions and jalapeno peppers. He gave me tomato, cucumber, lettuce and onions -.-)

Also had iced lemon tea and cookies. Just like old times. Teehee. The feeling isn't the same though, the Subway here is clearly inferior to the ones in Northern Ireland. The top-ups for drinks are a dollar each.

Then I bought a few other things. The one thing I'm most proud of is that mickey mouse shirt ^_^ I really like it, but my mom and sisters are not impressed with the cleavage I show when I sit down. *sigh*

Lip Piercing!

Right so I got my lip pierced. But someone tell me, is it too big? Or is it just me? (damn I hate this photo. My cheeks look....puffy!)

Lunch!

This is my lunch today! At the top there is tom yam soup with glass noodles and fish slices! Don't let the colour fool you, it's actually very very spicy!

After that I had a craving for something soft and sweet. Then I went to the bakery to buy TEN doughnut holes. I'm such a pig. But really, who can resist the little balls of dough deep fried and covered in sugar?

Note to self: Do not eat anything extremely spicy on an empty stomach >.<

Unfair!

I find it vastly unfair the way Singapore's Google does not have cute themes for everyday unlike UK's Google. Look at it! Why can't we have a Sesame Street theme on Google??

Not brushing my hair, Day 7

Hohoho! Last day! I had my hair up today 'cos it's just so warm and I was helping my mom tidy up. :D

Scalp still hurts!! :( But then again, I'll be able to wash my hair with the anti-dandruff stuff cos I'll be able to brush my hair again! Whooppeeee!

Goodbye flakes, you will never know what hit you!!

Not brushing my hair, Day 6

OK, so today I didn't have my 'ugly' day where I use my medicinal anti-dandruff shampoo. Went to the pool so I didn't want to damage my hair even more by using that shampoo. Now that's just not going to be fair to my hair right?

So yea, it stayed really tangly today, and my cousin told me that it looked really dirty. She went on to point out the little flakes of dandruff I have in my hair when I tied it up. Thanks cousin, you really boost my self confidence.

So yea, that's about it for today :P

Not brushing my hair, Day 5

It's the fifth day! Teehee, my scalp is really hurting and suffering now cos it's acting up again. I'm not using the anti-dandruff shampoo on my hair because it'll dry up my hair even moree!! :(

OK I might just do it tomorrow to soothe my scalp.

Everybody, you have just lost the game. ^_^

Not brushing my hair, Day 4

Put on thick eyeliner for fun yesterday ^_^ Also used my sister's baby shampoo and I didn't cheat in the shower by combing through it with my hands. However!! The knots and tangles got to me in the end and I ended up slowly and meticulously pulling apart the knots in my hair. So that's why it's kinda flowy.

Whoop de doo! Today is day 5! :D

Not brushing my hair, Day 3

Well, today was weird, I used a different shampoo and suddenly my hair was well-behaved. However, I'm having problems with my scalp and how I wish I have my brush with me now :(

Anyway, nothing big happened, like my hair was fine, I felt like it was ok. So it's no biggy. No one noticed though, like my mom didn't say anything about my hair.

Haha :P

Not Brushing my Hair - Day 2

So! This is my second day of not brushing/combing my hair for a week. First thing I noticed is more volume. And it took alot of self-control to not run a brush through my hair first thing in the morning. Especially when I saw my bed-head.

I've done this before in Northern Ireland. But belatedly, I realised that the humidity here would mean that my hair would puff out alot more than it did in NI. So yes, I got a few stares when I went out just now but oh well. Still think it's ok though. Right? Other than my hair flying about randomly it looks fine.

Shush, I like to believe that no matter what I do to myself I'll still look like a perfect little princess. Haha

Not Brushing My Hair - Day 1

Decided to not brush my hair for a week just to see what happens. ^_^ Also, I've started posting photos up everyday since Friday. Go to my Facebook page to see it!

Day 1 of unkempt hair:

More volume, my parting is starting to go slightly off. Good thing I don't have a straight fringe anymore. Now I can just sweep it off to the side. :)

I'm Such a Laugh

*when sister was taking toast from the toaster*

Sister: Ouch!!
Me: *not moving from my seat, saying in a bored voice* Are you hurt?
Sister: *coming out from the kitchen looking real annoyed* Duh!!!

Found this so funny for some reason :P

Decided to be spontaneous and went out for a movie today

Me and my cousin watched ‘My Sister’s Keeper’.

I cried like a baby.

My cousin had tears in her eyes from all that yawning.

I think she’s made of stone!!!

Damn

I did not mean this to be a long ranty post. So it won't. It'll be a short ranty post.

As you all already know, Ryan likes someone else. That someone else lives across the border. So he only got to see her last week. And then, she kissed him.

Yea, she KISSED him.

I cannot tell you how crushed I am right now. See the way I've been working to keep myself happy? It feels like I've finally made a house of bricks, and then someone came along to smash it to the ground.

Eyelashes and tanning. :)

Went to Watson's yesterday, and decided to be a rebel by using the testers and not buy anything. ^_^ Photo above features Si Rong's eye and eyelashes. Took that picture to give her an idea of what I want. Ended up using flash because that picture was too dark.

Used their purple mascara and shiny navy blue eyeliner. Blue eyeliner gets two thumbs up! It's amazing. Too bad, I wiped it off before taking that photo.

See, Si Rong too this photo. Using my Nikon D1 and ALL the close up filter lens. I love using them, it just brings out all the little things you tend to overlook in life, and it's the little things that make things so special and amazing.

Quick question, how do you get the camera to focus on the whole frame instead of just the middle, which as you can see, is a section of the eyelash. Because the whole unfocused eye just looks weird. Tried using different close up filter lenses, but it didn't really work.

I was at the scissors again yesterday, cutting my own fringe. And then, went to the pool for a swim in Jurong. To say it's a pool would be an understatement, it's a watery playground. Lol. Came back looking like this:

Look at all the tan I have. And I'm sunburnt too! Should have used my sun tanning oil. At least I would have had some protection.

Oh My

I have very nearly finished reading a whole romantic novel. And I must've cried about 5 times. While it may be due to the very touching contents of the book, I'm also sure it's because of my current mood. Can't wait to get back out to work again.

Have decided to go for full time tutoring.

Beware students! Your worst nightmare is here... *evil laughter*

Just joking. ^^

Loneliness

Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one who exists on this earth who cares about what happens. I see it all, and I want to do something about it. I am but powerless alone. With another half, I feel empowered, complete. But alone, I feel empty.

There are times, when I can see the light of my family, and the people who love me. I see their hands waving over the emotional well I have fallen into, trying to pull me back up into the light. I appreciate their help. It helps me get through those dark days.

When those people are not around, I let my mind wonder back. Back into the times when I was surrounded by them, by love, and by light. I revel in the memories and savour the familiar sting of pain it brings to me. Because sometimes those are the only times I can remember that I once felt something, once felt alive.

Losing Ryan was one of the most painful things that's every happened to me. Because not only did I lost my boyfriend, I lost my best friend, my (only) confidante, and, I'm ashamed to admit, my groovy pal. He's the only one I could burp with and still be able to laugh. He seems to be the only one who could make me smile genuinely with a single word.

I should just stop it and get on shouldn't I? See, I broke that pact I had with myself. I called him, and also talked to him on msn. (the horror!) And then a few days ago, he told me that he was "affronted with the idea that you do not know how just much you mean to me." Or words to that effect.

Well, enlighten me, because what with the silence on Facebook and Hotmail, I seem to get the impression I'm all but dead to you. You also seem so pre-occupied when you do talk to me on msn. Yes, I get that you're busy but I don't get why you're so busy to not be able to talk to someone you haven't spoken to in ages.

I should just go now. Cos my joints in my fingers are hurting. *sigh*

Peace out. To whoever cares.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival

It's a day late but then again, I was at my aunt's house till near 1am in the morning. Had a blast. It was so fun. Played with sparklers. Which was great cos I love sparklers. But I have forgotten all about the smoke. Never ever, play with sparklers just outside your house. Be a little more hardworking and go downstairs. All the neighbours didn't seem too happy about having sparkler smoke blow into their house.

Made that 'A' above just there now. I love fire! It's fun. I actually sat and watched it melt into a little waxy puddle. It is quite nice to be able to use the candles freely.

It's nice to be able to feel partially at home again. Had a bad day on Thursday, and I came home crying my eyes out.

Cried to a great number of people and when I finally calmed down, I cried again when my granny told me "When I see you happy, I'm happy. When I see you sad, I am heart-broken. So if there is anything, just tell me ok?" You know, that was one of the first times I felt so loved since I came to Singapore.

Then yesterday, my cousin (Si Rong) got me two pairs of zip earrings. Was so touched. I lost it by accident at the pool and I was completely heart-broken 'cos they were a gift from a friend in NI. It meant so much to me. And then she went to buy me new ones cos she knew I loved them. Thunk you very muchly Si Rong.

It's taking a long time but I'm glad I'm finally able to feel partially at home here. Mind you, I miss Ireland terribly and I really really hope someone would come visit me. I really miss everyone there and it still makes me cry when I think about it.

:(

Just watched a documentary about how people entertain using extreme measures. And one of the topics was on bull fighting. Now I feel sick :(

Stop bull fighting!

Had a bad day at work. So bad, I came home early.

Busy Busy

I opened my big mouth when my boss was arranging shifts for next week and ranted off "Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday" as my free days. Even though I'll be getting a nice fat pay at the end of the event, I like to think my feet and back will still be intact at the end.

The 10-12 hours shifts will be fun fun fun!!

Instant Relief

I have worked myself sick. Got to take it easy from now to prevent the onset of fever.

On the bus home, it was really cold and instantly I thought of all the times Ryan let me hug him on the inside of his coat so that I'll be able to warm up from his body heat. I hate missing him so much. So I shall move on.

Who knows, I may even save up to move to NI for about a year after I serve my bond with the teaching place.

Maybe it'll be for Ryan.

Maybe by then I'll go purely because I miss my amazing friends and family situated there.

Maybe it'll even be for the miserable weather and for amazing Christmases and Easter.

Who knows what the future may bring? I shall move on, and I will.

*sigh*

Sold sixteen boxes today and I was only there for six hours! Proud of myself, me.

I also managed to burn myself and give myself a welt on the arm. It happened on the Pepper Lunch hotplate which must be about 200 degrees. Ouch.

I have basically told Ryan that I shall not talk to him till he talks to me. This will help me see if he really still likes me even a little bit. OK, I know that he doesn't but shhhh.

Oh Lord give me strength and patience for the ordeal ahead. I trust in you and I shall believe in you.

Amen.

Heeyy

Ello!

Had a swim today which wasn't great. Cos I got kicked in the stomach. It was horrible and I had the wind knocked outta me. :( Maybe I should just swim on weekdays. *Sigh*

On a better note, work is getting better. It's coming closer to Mid-Autumn Festival and so there're more people coming in to buy mooncakes. Yepz yepz. ^_^ Business is getting better.

Whoa

After ten hours of standing up with an aching lower back and promoting the hell outta those mooncakes, I managed to sell four boxes. Not good eh? Well like my boss was telling me I have to do my best and know that I can do that. It's all very well to tell me that and to tell myself that, but I have to believe it deep deep down at my very core.

Going to try it tomorrow. I will tell myself "I'm going to sell this within an hour" and then try to ignore my feet and back. Wish I remembered my backache cream though. It really hurt and I had to stretch several times which didn't look pretty.

In other news, does anyone know how on earth can my Spongebib shirt just get so short in a year? I wanted to wear it today but realised it looked darn stupid just hanging there at my belly button. *sigh*

I shall have to remember to send my supportingh documents to National Institute of Education. Or they will not consider me.

Ah Well

Now I know that only one person reads my blog. *sad face*

Anyway, I did not get into the university. Dean was not there so my parents and me spoke to the person in charge of admissions instead. Turns out, I was too late and also, the quota for the courses I applied for have exceeded. Which means no matter how I squeeze, I can't get in.

Also, I only sold a box of mooncakes today. And got chatted up by an old man. He came up and I was promoting mooncakes and then he started telling me how he was divorced and how he was lonely. Then he proceeded to ask my name, and where he could contact me. After which he said he was an entrepeneur. And asked if I would like to join him in Johor Bahru for big money.

No way in the world am I gonna agree to that. I mean I've heard of things like this, but even if he wanted to cheat me I think it's a little to lousy to be called cheating per se. Not to be arrogant, but I saw through it and no one is going to follow him right?

*sigh*

Nearly vlogged today too but I decided not to. Well, I gotta get to bed soon. Not only am I opening the store on my own tomorrow, I still have to train people. It's time to catch that very first customer and make this my day.

Aim for 20 boxes tomorrow!!

Story time!

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was fan-dabby-dozy. She would mistake a lizard for a frog and when she accidentally stepped on one in the shower was petrified of them every since then.

She went upon her merry life and in the turbulence of her teenage years went up and down, up and down. So much so that she had to go to Northern Ireland. The said girl went to school, met many many amazing people and fell in love with an amazing guy who picked her up from where the raging hormones of teenage-hood left her. Nearly two years later, after she was flown back to Singapore, he dumped her. That was right about the time two of the universities of her choice rejected her too. After leading her on for nearly six months that is. She felt (and sometimes still does feel), like an abandoned toy.

Well now. Poor wee girl. Feeling rejected and very, very unloved (even a month later), she went on to take a job promotion mooncakes at a shopping centre. Guess what? The job scope included taking samples of mooncakes out and being rejected over and over by loads of people (I would love to say hundreds but that would be exaggerating).

Funnily enough, that amazing girl (who has just about as much luck as five people put together), got a great supervisor who taught her how to promote and patiently corrected her faults. At the end of ten hours, she'd sold more than a hundred dollars worth of mooncakes in spite of the unhospitable crowd. It was only six boxes though. (like I said, great luck she doth have)

When she came home, there was another letter from one of the universities of her choice, stating that she had been rejected. However, instead of being crushed, that letter brought her hope. The reason why, dear readers, was because she got the feeling that she was able to get in with her results. She was just a few months too late. And so, this tired (but still amazing) girl is going to wake up at the ungodly hour of 7.30am in the morning to go straight to the dean of the university with her mom to have a 'talk' with him.

She has a good feeling about this. Wish her luck in her tagbox everyone. Or this girl will cry herself to sleep. (yes that is a threat)

^_^

Bad Weather

You know, over here in Singapore bad weather doesn't necessarily mean rain. In fact, I like the rain. It makes everything cooler, and you sweat less.


Now, the weather today, that's bad weather. It was really warm, and the humidity was off the charts. I spent all day feeling really sticky and in spite of the fan being on full speed, it was still very humid and warm.

On the other hand, I got a job for two weeks. And that was literally the answer to my prayers to be able to pay off my bills and transport. It's at a mooncake promotion in Bugis Junction and I think it's at a counter. Probably be working for 8 hours a day at $5 per hour, for four days a week. That's not too shabby.

So it's pretty on and off for now. The computer's turning itself off unpredictably which doesn't help my mood, so I guess it'll have to post this real soon.

Not that way anymore

Me: ..............Eh.....um...........Do you still feel anything for me at all?
Ryan: Not that way anymore no.
Me: ..................................*starts to cry*

I'm such a douche. Why am I doing this to myself????

Why?

It was a great day today. Movie was great, and I realised that the movie I wanted to watch with Ryan while I was in NI was called Planet 51. Not 21, 41, but 51. Damn I did searched on 'Planet 41', 'Planet 21', and even did a search on 'Planet' on IMDB. But yea, G-Force was so funny. ^_^

Came home to see if Ryan was online and he wasn't. Well, I mean it's not too surprising. But that is not what I came to talk about today.

Went onto Facebook, (like I always do), and then saw that there were lots of pictures put up by AK of Ryan. So I decided to take a look. Sure, I mean people do that all the time and it couldn't do any harm right? Wrong.

I mean, as I looked at the photos well they were good, but they just made me miss him so much. And to be honest, he looked really good. *blush* He's kept his beard long-ish. Really it isn't longer than an inch but enough to see the shadow. It really defines his jaw. (oooh look at me, the facial expert -_-) Damn, I just miss him so much.

Well, he's going away for two years in April and I probably won't hear from him alot. Possibly an email a month if I'm lucky. Just wish that I could be there.

You know what else? Now I don't really know this at all but he (possibly) has a snake! I really want a snake too and even someone else's snake woulda been fine dammit. Why now? A mere two months after I'm gone, things go so well for him?

Why after such a long time of being the (nearly) top priority in each other's lives, I'm probably near the bottom now?

Doughnut Hoooles!

Doughnut holes are sweeeet! Found it finally but somehow it wasn't done too well. It was over-fried. :(

On another note, I'm going to go to a steamboat/grill place. Seoul Garden! YAY! Then to the movies we go. Me and my cousins. Should be fun.

Vlog!

I vlogged today. :) Find it if you can!

Dyed Hair

I dyed my hair today for the 1st time. It's a reddish tint and the smell of ammonia is just really bad. I kinda wish that I waited for longer for the colour to develope before I washed it. Now the colour is barely visible. :( or is it because my hair's still wet..but then again my fringe is dry but i can't see anything.

Running

I made good on my promise to myself more than two months later. To run in the morning around the neighbourhood.

And so today I woke up bright and early at 9am, got breakfast, sat around and then went out to run. Turns out, I am most definitely not fit. I started out running ok, and then in a minute or two I'm panting really hard and by the third minute, I am huffing and puffing and starting to walk.

Pathetic aren't I.

So I walked all around the block I planned to jog, and got home with a pounding head and sick stomach. Boooo. No fair. Maybe I started out too strong. I will try again on Sunday.

Tomorrow is the invigilating exam. Whew. It's gonna be tough. I'll be required to speak to the examinees. That, and I don't have anything to wear yet. Got to do some serious shopping for shoes and a top later before the lesson. See, me and my sister (who's the assistant invigilator) have to sit for a lesson as to what we have to do tomorrow. It's today from 7pm-10pm. So shopping has to be done before then. Hope my sister gets back from school early. Tomorrow the exam is from 8am-1pm. After which I will have to rush across Singapore to make it to my student for his tuition lesson by 2pm.

Seriously. I need the money.

I didn't really bother to go onto msn yesterday and I haven't stalked Ryan on Facebook in two days which is good. Still think about him alot, and I get loads of flashbacks. But then it's gotten easier ever since I changed my phone background to somthing else other than Ryan. He really makes me wonder if everything is ever true. What he said. You know all that lovey dovey stuff. I don't want to come out of this relationship bitter. I want to come out stronger. Stronger, but not bitter. But now I really doubt if what he said during those times were true. Shall not repeat it here lest people start to puke up their last meal.

Blah! I'm going to just go and play my computer game. =D it's lotsa fun! Not very well known but it's called Pet Shop Hop where you run a pet shop (as the name suggests) and I love it. Got stuck at a level yesterday and after losing like three times I decided it was time to go to bed. (it was 1am)

I'm so sorry for these pictureless and random posts. But then again, I've got so much on my mind. If I put it somewhere (like in here) I might just feel a little bit better.

Which reminds me. I went to the minister of parliament yesterday again. She was so nice and immediately after hearing about my failed attempts to get into uni, she emailed one of the persons in charge of the uni to personally review my applications and appeal. ^_^ So sweet. Hopefully this will be done and dusted then I can concentrate on my future. Part of the whole uni thing which gets me so much is that for now I simply cannot do anything. And so long as my parents keep pushing to go into uni, my future remains uncertain. (sad face)

Maybe I'll get doughnut holes to cheer myself up later. Seriously, what's a girl got to do to get some doughnut holes around here? A few days ago I was out and I literally went into every bakery I passed and there were no doughnut holes! :( I settled for a real doughnut eventually but it was nowhere near as satisfying as putting a whole doughnut hole into your mouth and letting the sugar melt. For those who don't know what doughnut holes are, they're the holes from the doughnut. Simple as that. I mean when they make the holes in the doughnuts the excess has to go somewhere right? Some combine the excess to make another doughnut. Some make doughnut holes. I like calling them doughnut holes cos it's funny. Scientifically, holes don't exist. Like if you see a hole, you can only see it because it is surrounded by matter. Much like pouring paint on an invisible person cos you can see them. Right? (if you don't get it then it's fine)

Shall not drivel anymore. Cos it's starting to get pretty rubbish. Byeeee.

What is it?

What is love? It's the feeling pheromones in your brains release whenever you see someone you find attractive. And when they like you back, your whole world is plunged into technicolour. That is, the legendary rose-tinted glasses. Everything is a wonderful shade and even a pile of poo can be beautiful. (Oooh see how the light catches the moisture? See how it slowly steams during the winter?)

You feel like you're walking on air every single day and everytime you see your 'soulmate', your heart skips and you just want to go over and give them a great big hug. Cuddles, snuggles, and hugs are aplenty, and you feel more protected than you've every been in your life. Kisses feel just like that moment when you put ur lips to the marshmallow slowly roasted over a fire and then cooled off to just the right temperature. Everything is absolutely, and undeniably perfect.

Scientifically, your brain will stop producing the loved up feeling pheromones after 18 months in a relationship. The satisfying feeling should stop. But somehow, it's not the case with me. I work really hard at my relationships. I still feel loved up, protected, and happy even 20 months into my relationship. Even though I know from previous experiences that hardwork doesn't always equal to great success, I still work hard at my relationships hoping that somehow the other half will realise, and appreciate it.

Well, sometimes they do. Sometimes, they don't. Then when the brutal "I don't love you anymore" comes, your rose tinted glasses are snatched away. And your world is plunged into mud water. Everything you see seem to be covered in a shade of grey. Much like whenever you put your black tinted swimming goggles on. You steps are slow and heavy, everything bothers you and you just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. It's just so...so...empty! You go to sleep hoping that somehow, tomorrow will be a better day, that maybe, possibly, perhaps, that person will tell you "Awwk I'm sorry honey, I made a mistake, I really do love you afterall." And then go to sleep again the next day thinking "Nobody loves me, nobody cares." Sleeping is an escape, and waking up a harsh jerk into reality.

Even though now I know that a relationship with Ryan is out of the question, at least until all is said and done, I would still take him back in an instant. It's so hard to move on even though I know I have to.

Today is another day. Going to see the MP to appeal into a university. I'm thoroughly sick of the whole thing. It's like drawing blood from a stone. Isn't it true that if I take a year out to do more A level subjects I would have a higher chance this year? Or am I just talking bullshit.

On a brighter note, I can complete the rubix cube without looking at my notes anymore. It's pretty good. My best timing so far is around 3 minutes. And I will be aiming for the megaminx when I can complete the cube in under a minute. I like my rubix cube. It helps distract me from thinking about 'him' and crying over 'him'.

'Cos any guy who makes you cry ain't worth crying over. Right?

Dreams

Warning: This post is really personal and not going to be funny in any way.

See, on Monday, after talking to one of Ryan's close friends, I decided that for my own good, I'm going to ignore Ryan for a week and not talk to him unless he talks to me. Last night was the 1st day. I saw him online but he did not talk to me. Repressing the overwhelming urge to call him before I go to bed, I just tired myself out and went to bed.

So, I dreamt about Ryan last night. At first I dreamt that he came over to Singapore on his own and was living somewhere in Jurong or something, which was far away. Then we were together and had our arms around one another and acting all couple-like. I was so happy. Then I had to wake up to go to the toilet. (damn nature) And thought while drifting back to sleep "Haven't we broken up?"

And so, a new dream began. This time he had broken up with me. *devastated* So I was ill, I think. But he would not talk to me and seemed to not care. It was ultimately a very, very painful dream. This dream was unlike any other. The place was all the same, it was consistent and the timeline, although a little weird, seemed logical enough. I even felt his arm around me and felt much safer than I ever had in ages. I am such a soppy sod.

Well, I've put on more weight. Must be from all that stress-eating. Going to run starting tomorrow for sure, which means that I will be sleeping by 11pm from today on. Now that I know I can't talk to Ryan, being online seems a little pointless. Yea, Greg and Claire are being real angels. Greg being a granda and all. But yea, there's always email, if people will just reply to me.

From today on, to whoever's reading, I'm going to take blogging as a means to clear my mind whenever I need it. It's going to be the salve on my broken and (hopefully) healing heart.

Damn, I miss him so much it hurts.

Theraputic blog = Long and drivelly posts

So, stay if you want to. Drop me a tag, just so I know you care.

Megaminx!

After I master the rubix cube and have some money, I'm going to get a megaminx and try to solve it!!

Uni Blues

There is still no word from NUS as to whether I'm accepted or not. School term has already started for nearly a month and I want to be able to get in as soon as possible. It's just so annoying.

Nikon!

Flowers are from last spring while I was in Northern Ireland.

Took photos of an insect which landed on my sister's swimsuit just now. It's so much more fun now that I have my card reader and batteries for flash. :D

I'm going to have fun :D

Haircut

This is my new haircut which I got today. Jordan and Ryan both said that I look real asian. Jordan says that I look like a nerd. I think it's the length of the fringe. Once it grows out to cover my eyebrows it'll be fine! You'll see.

Yay-ness

I completed the Rubix cube! It's such a wonderful feeling.

In other news, I have decided to let Ryan go. It hurts, but it's something I have to do for now. Least I can do is let him be happy by letting him go.

*sobs* It hurts so much.

A Sick Computer

The laptop cannot come fast enough! This computer is starting to have little problems here and there. Like trying to publish my mood on Facebook, downloading Hotmail messages. You know, the like.

On a brighter note, I might just design my own clothes sometime. Helped my cousin to customise t-shirts for her project in school. We decided to settle on stencilling as a medium and even though the stencils were bought from this craft shop that was really meant for 9-year-olds, the results were brilliant. Pictures will be up when I manage to get a shirt from my cousin to design as my own.

Here's to cheaper clothes, and more creativity.

Hey

Going to the library book sale tomorrow. (actually, today) Should be fun, after which I shall rush to Zi Xian's house for tuition, and then (hopefully) go for a swim. I haven't swam in ages. Hope I don't pile the weight straight back on. Really been eating alot lately.

Got my results out today. And they are as follows:

English Literature B
Mathematics A
Health and Social Care B

All as expected. No surprise there. Sent the results to the universities and we shall see what comes next.

Still no news with Ryan. Haven't spoken to him properly for a while now. *sigh*

Eh Well

Results are out today and frankly, I'm not too worried. Then again, I'm never worried till the few seconds up to the actual things. It only happens with the important stuff like results, and performances. Funny that.

Well as you all know, Ryan's dumped me. Ah well, he's sending mixed signals and the like and I would love to talk it out with him sometime. Soon.

Also, I'm planning a trip to Northern Ireland lest I do not get into uni this year. What's the point in sitting around on my ever-expanding bum if I'm not going places right? So, ideally the trip will be taking place in late Febraury till late March. Where it'll be in between of Winter and Spring. Though knowing Northern Ireland, it will be drizzling the whole time. But it doesn't matter, I'll be esacping from the busy life style and humidity.

Talking about the humidity, it makes me really bad tempered. Like really, really bad tempered. Just, when you're all sticky and warm you don't really want to sit down and be patient right? Right??

OK it's just me. Freak that I am, I will now be hanging around Facebook doing nothing in particular, waiting for my cousin to text me the results when he gets it on my behalf. Yipeee!

(this must be what it's like to be booored)

Just So You Know

Ryan's broken up with me. Ah well, I'm taking it better than when I first found out. Feeling calmer now that I am going to leave my life in God's hands. (even though I still pray fervently that Ryan would be in the near future)

It's so soppy, and I am no longer the snooty one who is in a blissfully happy relationship. *Sigh* All good things have to come to an end I guess. But then again, what's going to stop me from having a good time waiting for him in his mission while he supposedly finds the one for him?

I miss having someone there for me 24 hours a day, everyday.

Nuff said

Tinsel Town Nanny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=typp8cQwvpM

Watch that video. I'm not one to idolise people on youtube but she is amazing and I am proud to say that I have spent nearly 5 hours on youtube looking at her videos cos they're just so damn funny.

Pool Water. Yech.

How often do they change the pool water? I was swimming the other day and actually noticed bits of hair and pieces of loo roll floating in the water. *retch* Completely ruined my appetite.

Welcome to August!

It's my birthday today. And I will be 19. Just imagine, a year from now, I will be hitting the magical number 2-0.

I won't be a teen in a year. Can you believe it?

I know I can't.

A Dog's Life

"Oooh I like your hair. What shampoo do you use?" =]

I tell ya, dogs have the life these days. Even I don't get to have my hair done like that. Damn.

:D

Been going swimming for the past two days and I’m getting a tan. Though today I didn’t put any sunscreen on ‘cos it was cloudy. And I regret it. Now my back and skin are all itching. And what’s with those pimply things on my skin??

I've grown?

I know for a fact that my height has stayed at 162cm for the past two years. Yet, when I came back two years later, my grandparents as well as my aunts and uncles and parents seem to be so much…smaller.

So have I grown? Or have they shrunk. O.o

A Little Story

My dad told me this wee story a few days ago:

I was just born and my mom and dad decided to visit her brother with me. (as proud parents do) So they walked into the house and my cousin who was about four at that time took a look at me in the baby blanket and asked:

“Does she have any legs?”

A Little Story

My dad told me this wee story a few days ago:

I was just born and my mom and dad decided to visit her brother with me. (as proud parents do) So they walked into the house and my cousin who was about four at that time took a look at me in the baby blanket and asked:

“Does she have any legs?”

Personal Achievement

I have just gone from only being able to float in the foetal position to being able to swim in froggy position (but not being able to breathe while doing it) in two hours!

YAY! I know I’m being overexcited but this is just amazing!

And, I got my Xperia X1! Somehow being able to swim makes that piece of news pale in comparison.

Good News and Bad News

By the way, if you haven't caught on, I'm switching to short and (hopefully) moderately witty posts which STILL informs everyone about how my life is and yet not boring the brains outta them.

Good news is, I'll be getting that dream of a phone (Xperia X1 *sigh*) this Saturday morning with luck. I can't wait. With this little gadget, I'll be able talk to Ryan and everyone on Skype, with camera and speaker! This is gonna be one of THE most entertaining gadgets I've ever gotten. Though time can only tell if it'll be able to replace the big gaping hole my long lost iPod Touch left behind.

Bad news is, I have been rejected by the uniersity today. That means, if the appeal doesn't work, I'll have to take a year long break. No worries though, I'll probably look for a course that'll give me an extra A level in a year, and then sign up with a home tutoring company so I can get more students. I'm gonna change the world, one student at a time. (Yes, and I also believe that unicorns exist somewhere on earth. I can be optimistic can't I?) Also, not being in university this year means that I can go on a three month trip to Borneo to an orangutan sanctuary. And also get a dog. I will not get a dog until I can be sure I'll be free for at least a month. Because getting a dog, and then not helping it to adjust is just plain wrong.

In spite of all the plus points of not being in university however, my parents still want me to write an appeal. And that I will do reluctantly. Let's get into writing a CV mode so I can write a good one.

Ice Age 3!

Watched Ice Age 3 with my cousin today, I had a blast and who says after you turn 18 you're an adult? I feel about 12. Well, I did.

Today I...

Today I...

• Started a novel
• Tutored my cousin
• Had smoked salmon on crackers (mmm..raw fish)
• Finished said novel

Productive day? Not.

In other news, the beloved iPhone has run out of stocks in the warehouse. Lovely salesperson at Starhub broke my heart. But I have set my sights on bigger and better things. Behold! The New Sony Ericsson Xperia X1!

New Job!

Well, I went for an interview today with the Royal Sporting House at the head office and I got a job almost immediately. I'm working from Thursday to Sunday at a Nike show in Marina Square. So those in the vicinity do feel free to drop by but don't be offended if I'm too busy to talk! I'll be there for a whole day, so don't worry about the timing. It's either 9am-10.30pm or 10.30am-9pm I can't remember which.

Looking up plans which can be used with the iPhone and if I get the iPhone free with the plans then I'm sweet. *grins* But if not, then lets have fingers crossed that there will be stock with the really nice Starhub guy.

Gotta love being independent, me. But not TOO independent.

Damn

Blogger's being a bitch, not letting me upload my beautiful picture of the dessert I could have had. Hop over to my tumblr blog to see what I have blogged about today.

Or don't. It doesn't really matter. :)

Hair Dye

You know the way hair dye stays on your skin whenever you accidently get it on yourself?

Maybe if you get a template and then apply hair dye onto it? Will you get a tatto that lasts for a good couple of weeks before it gently fades away?

Hmm I wonder…

Guitar Hero

Know the arcade version on Guitar Hero? Well, I introduced my friend to it yesterday and now she’s hooked. We must have spent nearly $20 on all of the games we played.

Played it on Hard because she set it there by accident. Let’s just say I’m so not ready for it yet.

Can’t wait to get a job and save up enough to get an xbox 360 and then the game. :)

In Singapore

Well, it's 2am in Singapore and I just had my ass kicked by my younger sister at Stepmania. Think dancemats, only very fast and on the arrow keys.

Arrived in Singapore at 6.03pm, flight was pretty good, only with a few turbulences here and there but other than that it's fine. Cried when I arrived at Singapore, when I met my mom, and when I got home. So confused, I don't think I can rationally conceive what on earth am I doing and where I am.

Driving home, all I could think of is how much I miss the endless fields of sheep and cows. To me, my future seemed to yawn and stretch endlessly into the unknown. It's really scary.

Little things bother me when I got home. The height, and the shape of the light switch, the height of the latch to the toilet door. Even the way the toilet flushes. The little things your body automatically goes for, only to find that it's not the way you left it. Oh, don't get me wrong. I know where everything is, and I feel very much at home. Just, with body memory, I keep reaching for things at the wrong level and wrong place. (Like the toilet flush)

I miss Ryan so much, and it feels very weird to have a whole lot of girls around me all at once. My sisters. And oh, the humidity is unbelievable, everyone is sticky here and it's so oppressive. I guess I'll have to get used to it soon.

Anyway, to end this long post, I miss everyone so much, and picturing the pained faces of Auntie Carol and Ryan just makes me cry every single time. I'm just going to go to bed now though. O2 doesn't work, which is a bitch cos it means I can't text Ryan "Goodnight", or say ILY.

Read his post, and I cried. Big soppy sod I am. *sigh* Hope it gets better. I have no idea how I'm gonna pull through, but I will.

Food

My appetite is back. I’m still real stressed but at least I can eat now. Wound down with a whole lobster to myself. Me, my uncle and my dad, one lobster each. Then I ended with a glass of red wine. How people drink that stuff I don't know. Rose wine is so much better.

That is what winding down should really be like.

Image

I always thought sitting right at the front, on the upper deck of a bus would be great.

Turns out, I was right! The view was spectacular, and I felt, literally, on top of the world in spite of the fact that I will be leaving in a week *sniff*.

Cost of Living

The cost of living has indeed gone up. I tried posting a few parcels home today. So here's the story:

Three parcels, one light, one medium and one heavy. Guess what? I only got to send the lightest one because I couldn't afford to send any other.

Guess what else? I'm not poor. After paying for postage, I have become poor. The lightest one cost £44.99, medium one costs £60+ which is all I have in my bank at the minute, and the heaviest one costs £90+ which I flat out couldn't afford.

I just can't believe the cost of things nowadays. You know you're getting old when you start saying "In my day..."

In my day, a small pack of McDonalds fries costs S$1. Now it's S$1.50!

When is the economic crisis gonna stop? I don't like it.

Mute and Silent

Recently I have been feeling as if I'm just being pushed and carted around to suit other people's plans. Obviously this has always been the case in my childhood simply because I was far too ignorant to know what was good for me. But now, I mean honestly, I'm 18, 19 this year and I would kinda like to be able to connect with other people on a more mature level.

I understand that at times, I may be simply too angry to communicate and maybe, the tears of pain that roll down my cheeks may make it seem like I was simply crying "crocodile tears" to attract sympathy. But that is the way I am, and I cry when I feel too passionately about something. Which is basically, all the time. Not healthy, but at least I give a damn, which is more than what other people can say for themselves.

When I say "No", I mean "No". Not "Why don't you just go ahead and do it anyway." Before you do something for real, let me know! Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once. LET. ME. KNOW!

And when you are going to do it anyway, again, can't you NOT leave it to last minute?

I am so so tired of trying to be heard. So tired of trying to fight so I can have a voice, so that I can be noticed and taken into account for what I think.

No wonder why I was a nervous wreck with zero confidence and absolutely no opinion. No one listened to me, no one tried to actually listen to the important things I have to say. Like what do I want in life. How would I like my own room and more privacy? Do I want to go out with my friends?

Well, here and now, I'll tell you. First and formost, what I want in life is simply to be happy. Not the kind of happy where you just sit there and let everyone trample all over you and be contented. The kind of happy where you know you have accomplished everything you want, that you are the best person you can be.

And yes, I would LOVE to have my own room and have more privacy. My sisters are only about to get bigger. And having us share two beds and a room that was designed to fit only one person is not going to be great as a long-term solution. Oh yes, in the golden 'olden days' people used to have to sleep in the corridoors of the house. There wasn't space. But can't you try to live in the 'now'? Nobody does that anymore. And they wouldn't even treat animals like that. It's tantamount to animal abuse. I know I will be able to cope with it, but having a huge change from having a room all to myself and to sharing two beds with two other sisters, the climate, the absence of familiar faces I'm used to. I have no idea if my mind can take it.

Thirdly, yes, I would LOVE to go out with my friends. It'll be good to be able to escape the oppressiveness of the house once in a while and just hang around. It will help me cope.

No one in Singapore has asked if I will miss the people here when I leave. Maybe you might not know the answer. But yes, I will miss them. A lot. So much so that even that thought of it brings tears to my eyes. As of now, I have eleven full days left here in Northern Ireland. The nearer I get, the sadder I become. I know that logically, I will be able to move on better in my life much easier than the loved ones I leave behind. Yet, saying goodbye is just so hard.

There are so many people who are waiting happily for me to come home. And the guilt for feeling the way I feel now, is just killing me inside. I cannot stand the pain of knowing how selfish I am for wanting to stay in the present while there are so many people who want me to come back in the very near future. Now do I have any idea at all what being pulled apart by horses feel like that those who were executed that way long ago in China.

I could go on and on literally for another hour how and why I am feeling this way. But I have a sneaking feeling this post is getting too long. And also, I am diverting away from my title. So congratulations if you made it this far. I'm sorry if I depressed you. I do try to see the funny in life, but sometimes, it's just far too hard.

Get Well Soon

Well well well. So I feel so much better yesterday. But the thing is, I wasn't feeling hungry at all until this morning. So that was nearly two days of not feeling hungry at all. Go me. That's a record.

Watched Angels and Demons with Ryan in the VIP suite yesterday night. It was so good. Brilliant plot, great twist at the end, and full on fast paced, nail-biting tension. A hundred billion trillion stars to everyone in the movie!

VIP suite was brilliant too. There were huge big comfy settees that you can sit on and even lean back on to make a bed. I'm definitely going there again and getting into the cinema an hour before so I can catch a nap. It's that comfortable. Epic-ness!

Back onto being ill. Currently the score is:

Vomit-1

Diarrhoea-4

So, diarrhoea is the winner! Yay!Like that picture. By the way, note to self. Never ever ever(!) Google "poo" because it was just gross.

Wonder what else my twisted body has in stall for me.

On to cartoon stickers. Cartoon stickers placed on boo-boos make you feel better quicker. Fact.

Accidentally cut my knee in the shower with a five blade razor today while shaving and luckily, I've got my....

TADAAA! Mr Bump plasters! They just put a smile on my face whenever I see them. Tis too cute to be true. Look!I feel better already.

I is ill.

Woke up this morning at about 9am, feeling completely yucky and about to puke. So, I went back to sleep hoping the sweet, sweet oblivion of sleep will protect me from what is inevitably about to come.

That is, vomitting and diarrhoea.

Thing is, even after waking up near one and getting a shower, gulping down mint tea to get rid of gas, and taking indigestion pills, I still found myself stuck in the toilet with one or the other.

Vomitting-1

Diarrhoea-1

Might as well keep a score to cheer me up.

So here I am, feeling completely germy, with a dodgy stomach and scrubbing my hands with hand sanitizer and the toilet with bleach everytime I use it.

Dust = Germs+Bacteria+Millions and millions of dead skin cells.

Oh dear oh dear. Just hope I can make it enough to be able to play the piano well to pass on Thursday.

*sigh*

Home

Where is home?

Home is where the heart is.

Where does my heart lie then?

...

Loss

Loss is a very painful thing. Be it losing a friend, family member, loved one, or even an object which you cherish very much.

After the concert, I walked into the house feeling very much like just stumbling into bed when I realised my iPod Touch is missing. Yes, my beautiful, beloved iPod Touch which I have saved up so much for and have babysat like a newborn infant right from the very beginning. Even now, I was in the process of saving up for a docking station which I would actually use. But all those rainbow coloured dreams fell and crashed onto the floor when my iPod Touch is missing. Know what's the worse thing about losing something that is not your phone? You can't call it and see if the vibration or ringtone is coming from anywhere near you.

Oh my beautiful iPod Touch, the apple of my eye, please come back.

Now I have to be stuck in a room to want to read my manga comics. I mean, technology is addictive isn't it? I went through cold turkey without my iPod Touch with lots of tears and listless opening of cupboards and dismantling of my bed in hope of finding my iPod. What I did end up doing is eating a big bowl of cinnamon ice cream and lots of junk food, before ending with a HUGE plate of curry and rice which I know I can't finish but did anyway.

Damn grief and my urge to comfort eat.

I guess life is all about gaining and losing. At most if I really really have lost my iPod Touch, I'll go back and see if I can get an iPhone since it's two in one. Plus I get a 3G edge which means I can get internet access practically anywhere. :)

Rhydian!

Went to a concert yesterday. It was so much fun and the worst part was, it felt as if it never happened! There are no pictures, nothing. *slump* Found one on the internet but it's not one from Rhydian's concert. Was so good though and the suits he wore were mad. :P That's him below. :) He's the first runner up in X-factor possibly last year. I can't remember.

Like the red sparkly one. Can't find a picture of it but just imagine Dorothy's red sparkly shoes, only suit-shaped.

Oh by the way, I have found the source of my back pain. It's a dip in my mattress. Had no idea I was supposed to turn the mattress to prevent dips like that. But yes. My back pain wasn't because of my posture, which is a relief. Though I think it'll take sometime before my back stops hurting again even with lying flat on a now dip-less bed.

Lately I've been having trouble sleeping. Must be the stress from trying to practice piano. It's not that I don't like practicing. It's just that my back hurts and sometimes my wrists and forearms start to get sore. *sigh* I am so unfit.

Not that I've tried. *ahem*

One of the worst things about me going home so soon (25th of June) is knowing that I have to study study study most of the time while I'm here. It really is far too soon and I'm so not looking forward to the goodbyes at all. Now I have less than a month left here and the feeling is not good.

That picture cheered me up immensely. One great big hoorah for internet and it's funny pictures. Whatever will I do without you.

Doctor Doctor!

Went to the doctor's today to get my back checked out. See, I've been having real stiff shoulders for months now, which then progressed to shoulder aches. And that, rapidly progressed all the way down to my shoulder blades, which hurts. Alot. So, recently it's gotten so much worse and I just won't stand for it anymore. Not whenever it is going to affect my piano playing. My exam is in two and a half weeks! There's practice to be done, scales to memorise, not to mention the stress of exams. I can't be twisting and turning in my seat to try to ease the pain during my exam.

I digress. Anyway, doctor got me to stand up and then started pushing bits of my back, asking if it hurt. Then she came to the spinal cord and pushed in on it. Really, all I was thinking to myself was "It's the bone, obviously it's gonna hurt. Duh." But decided to tell her that it hurt anyway. So, verdict was. "I think it's your posture which is causing you all those problems." Damn. That's not good. Especially when I do try to stand straight and lie on my back to sleep. Well at first I lie on my back to sleep because it was a means to try to ease the pain. Now it's a necessity because it's simply too painful to lie on my side. Back to the point, I just can't understand why I'm getting back pains because of my posture of all things. I mean, it's not as if I stand like that:

She prescribed anti-inflammatory tablets for me to take when the pain strikes. I took it more than an hour ago and it has yet to help the stiffness. There were a few suggestions..yoga, pilates, and swimming, which I completely understand 'cos all that arm movement has got to loosen up those back muscles. But one thing though..I still can't swim.. And let's face it. Am I really going to commit to those classes even if I do gather the courage to sign up for one?

Oh! I am also being referred to get physiotherapy. Which means. Back massage!!! Yippeee! Let's just hope it doesn't end up like this:

I am expecting no spa. But still, a back massage is in order me thinks. Know what's the best thing? I'm a student here so it's all free! Muahaha, my evil plan has worked. (Only joking)

Last Day of School

Like before, my pea-sized brain honestly can't quite comprehend the enormity of what just happened yesterday. Yesterday, was my last ever day of school. That excludes coming in for exams. But still, I can't believe that two years have passed just like that.

Yesterday to me was a blur of laughter, "yeeooooos" and tears. Tears came from me. *blush* Like that big emotional softie I still am, I cried at speeches, and at goodbyes with me friends.

The day before my first day of school, I was so nervous about it. Things worry me. Like, "What if I fail at everything??" and "What if I get bulied?" and "What if I don't make any friends?" Jordan made things lighter by saying "Let'th go to thchool" with a lisp and that made me laugh and feel better. But at that point in time, as I put on my spanking new school uniform and walked in to school, I truly thought I would be following Jordan around for the whole two years in school. I got lost easily, don't know anyone and am painfully shy.

In less than two months, I've got myself a boyfriend (I know, I still can't believe it either) who turned into my best friend and confidant. Then, I made a few REALLY great friends who I shall never forget. To make things better, I was excelling at Maths (of all subjects, I struggled at Maths most at O levels. How Ironic). AND, I made so many friends and got so many party and sleepover invites I eventually had to decline some because I had to concentrate on my studies. Finally, after a few years of waiting, I feel accepted for who I am. I got to be who I want to be on the inside.

That is what it means to me. And in spite of my rapidly gaining weight and mass, I was happy. It is still so hard to believe how I am so easily accepted into this year group. And I truly thank them for it. For without their warmth, I would hate school.

Well, yesterday is the last day of school. And I would just like to thank everyone I know for being part of a wonderful and amazing two years in Northern Ireland. Even though I wouldn't say it to your faces for fear of dissolving into blubbering sobs, I will miss every single one of you.

Radical!

What's this? An iPod Touch? I finally got it! I can proudly annouce that last Thursday, I am the proud owner of a spanking new, 8GB iPod Touch. What with studies and all, I apologise for not telling you about this till a week from then. But! Picture time! (only one)*sigh* Isn't it just the most amazing thing ever? I can surf the net on it and download applications for free!! Well, only a few applications. Guess who's been addicted to looking at the application page greedily for more free apps? (me in case you didn't catch on)

Been going to fan art sites such as Elfwood just to see artistic images. Great art simulates the mind you know (yea right). But I actually stumbled across a few amazing pictures. They are so brilliant I can literally stare at them all day. Here's one of them.
Most of those pictures are drawn and then computer touched up. But still, I wouldn't have been able to do that and all I can do it sit and drool at the screen.

Note: For those who are great big scaredy cats like me, I suggest viewing some of the photos in the day because some of the pictures can be quite sinister. As the name 'fantasy' suggests, there will be vampires and all that. And well, you know what a vampire eats. Or drinks.

Something Good?

This may be a little late. And it may even be total gibberish to others. But in the past few days I have come to realised just how blurred the lines of right and wrong have come to be from the time I was a child. Things were sooo much easier whenever I was five. Everything was absolute, in either white or black. But as we get older, experience more things, and learn more, bits of grey start to creep in. Until the world of morality is no longer either black or white, but varying shades of grey.

I mean, in cartoons and whatnot, the good person is ALWAYS good looking. The baddies are ALWAYS ugly. And the goodness ALWAYS prevail, most of the time with the baddies' demise. Then come the tricky bit whenever you get older. What if. What if...the baddie has his own reasons for doing so? What if, it is a truly justifiable reason? If you were the good guy, would you have shown forgiveness and compassion in the face of the bad guy? Or you would quite happily lope their heads off.

Like I said, it is tricky and yes, I do realise the more I type, the more neurotic I seem. But oh well. That's just the way life is. And really, all us mere mortals can do is muddle through the best we can trying to keep the moral values we learnt in childhood close to heart. So that in the end, when we die, we can die with the satisfaction that everything has been done the best to your limits. Yet, it's not always that easy.

Like the Earth for example. Obviously what with pollution and whatnot the earth doesn't look like this ------>

Why would she? Right at this very minute I am emitting carbon dioxide simply by using the computer. Even if I decide to save electricity and therefore save the Earth, light heating and running water are essential. Especially heating. In a climate like Northern Ireland, you can quite easily die out there in the cold if there isn't proper shelter and heat. So what now? This is a huge grey patch. See what I mean?

Oh well. What will be will be.

Oops I Did It Again..

Oops. I did it again didn't I? I have left this blog to die for what? The fifth? Sixth time? Awwk well. What matters is, I'm back and I'm back with a vengeance. :P

Anyway, today the photos of frost in November will be on exhibition as promised. Since we are doing this in chronological order, I might as well throw in the paperwhites that I planted in Februrary (they are long dead now). Then, a couple of shots of my corsage from my formal. I had such a great time! Got all dressed up in a proper long dress and high heels and everything. It was perfect. *sigh* And also, photos from the recent health promotion campaign I had to do for Health and Social Care coursework. It was so much fun and I really enjoyed myself. :)

First up, photos from the frost on that cold, cold day. Obviously it's so much warmer now. Lots of occasionally sunshine. Yippee!

Then, the photos of the paperwhites. There are so many 'cos I took one of each cluster of little flowers. I loved them though they smelled a little sickening after a while. But still, aren't they just so pretty!

Corsage pictures! Ryan had to get me a corsage before the formal. It was so much more than I imagined! Mind you the rose looks a little dead but that's only because I took those photos the next day. To see my formal photo go there. I don't know how long it's going to be there so go quick! Yes yes, I have put on weight. Trying to get it off and hope I succeed. Fingers crossed!

Here are the pictures from the health promotion campaign for Health and Social Care. Well, we had to take photos anyway so here they are! :D

Aaaaand! a little bonus for you. It's only a few seconds long but so funny. Did that whenever I was booored.

Anyway, hoped you enjoyed this lengthy post and hope I got everything up to date. Byee!